Scars [Ashton Irwin]

Chapter Seven

CHAPTER SEVEN:

I had nothing to do today, like most days. I sat in my room drawing and listening to music, pretending that the whole world didn't exist. It was like I was living in my own world, where nothing else mattered, just music and art. The pencil became like a part of my hand. Like an extra limb.

I hadn't heard Kellin arrive after rehearsals, until he came into my room. He didn't even knock.

"I could have been naked you know." I mumbled, without even looking up from my sketch book.

"Or you could have been with that Ashton guy." He grumbled and I rolled my eyes, dropping my pencil and turning to face him.

"He's just a friend, Kellin." I muttered.

"You and Jace were just friends until he -"

"Don't bring Jace into this because Ashton is nothing like him."

"You don't know that!"

"And you do?"

"I know guys like him. Guys who think that they're rockstars and screw around with girls."

"And you're such an expert that you could see all of that in Ashton without even having a decent conversation with him?"

"I'm just saying that you don't know what his intentions are."

"He's just a friend."

"Be careful, McKenzie. That's all I'm saying."

He left my room, slamming the door as he did. I threw a pillow at the door in frustration. I was sick of hearing about Jace. Everything I did, Jace. Anything I said, Jace. I was sick of it all! Sick of it!

I was getting angry. My heart was beating faster, and I was beginning to shake. I wanted to scream at the whole world, to go back in time and make better decisions concerning Jace and I. And I couldn't blame everyone else, because it was my fault. Jace was right. I did this to myself. I let it happen.

I found myself in a corner, crying my soul out as the memories came back to me. I craved the feeling of the blade against my skin. I craved the pain that could set me free from what I felt inside. I needed it. Just one cut ...

* * *

I looked in the mirror and begun slowly combing through my hair. My eyes staring at my own eyes in the mirror. I put the brush down slowly, and looked on. There was a girl. Green eyes. Dark hair. No smile. Just pain. I tried to figure out why Ashton would even want to be around me. There was nothing special there. Just a girl with eyes and hair.

When I had informed mother that I would be going out with Ashton tonight, she made a face that she thought I hadn't seen. But she agreed anyway. Kellin said nothing. But the look on his face said a thousand words. They didn't want me to go, and that's for sure.

I put on a pair of black skinny jeans, and a sweater with the Nirvana smiley painted on it. On my feet, I wore black combat boots. I knew not what to do with my tedious hair. I ended up putting it into a ponytail and combing through my bangs with my fingers as usual. Ashton would be here any minute.

As if on cue, I heard the sound of the doorbell and headed downstairs. Ashton was making small talk with my mother, and I stood lingering in the background awkwardly until they were finished.

"Hey, Kenzie." He smiled as he greeted me.

"Hey." I smiled back, and mother looked between the two of us.

"I'll have her back by ten." He said to mother. It killed me that he was so polite. I had always liked that quality in a guy.

"Have fun." Mother smiled.