Scars [Ashton Irwin]

Chapter Eighteen

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN:

"Now, remember that she needs to take these once a day, preferably in the morning, and see me twice a week." Doctor Jacobs explained to mother before turning to me. "You need to avoid any stressful situations. Surround yourself with positive people and maybe try doing some kind of a sport or find something positive to do." She kept using the word positive as though the more she said it, it would somehow find a way to tattoo itself onto my brain.

I was thankful that mother hadn't brought Mark along to pick me up at the hospital. I hadn't uttered a single word to the man, but I already hated him. Doctor Jacobs suggested that I try, for my mothers sake, to form some kind of a relationship with him. But I just don't see that happening.

The car ride home was silent. I wasn't sure how I would feel being back in my room, and I guess mother wasn't entirely sure what to say to me. I turned the radio on once I could feel the silence slowly beginning to drive me insane. I quickly began to regret my decision once a 5 Seconds Of Summer song came on. The same one that Ashton had sang to me in my bedroom a few months ago.

I was given a journal by Doctor Jacobs before I had left the hospital. She had told me that I could do anything in it. I could write or draw anything. She explained that it was a form of therapy, and encouraged that whenever I had any kind of negative thoughts or feelings, I should put it all in my journal.

Mom pulled into the driveway and parked the car. I stared at the house for a few seconds, before deciding that I wouldn't be going in there. After raiding my mothers car for a pen, I took a walk to the cliff that was like my sanctuary with my new journal in hand.

I took a seat with my feet dangling off the edge. I thought back to the day that I had found this place. It was a week after we had moved here, and I had decided that I hated Australia. I knew nobody, and everyone that I came across had a strange thick accent. After an argument with my mother one night, I decided to take a walk. I walked around for only about twenty minutes before finding the cliff.  I described it to Kellin as 'right on the edge of town'.

I had sat there for about two hours, staring at the marvelous view of Sydney. I decided on that day that maybe Australia wasn't so bad after all. Although it was a twenty minute walk from the house to the cliff, I was never too lazy.

I opened to the first page in my journal and stared at the blank page, trying to decide what it is that I could write. But nothing came. I thought of my two months in the hospital, and it hit me that today was the day that dad had died two years ago. I thought of writing that in my journal, but I had decided a while ago to be mad at dad. I began sketching the view in front of me. The glorious view that was too beutiful to capture on camera.

Three hours later, the pen drawing was complete. I hadn't captured the pure beauty of what I was looking at, but I had to admit that it was a pretty damn good drawing. Positive self talk. That was what Doctor Jacobs had called it. She told me that I had to be nice to myself.

I made the walk back home once the sun had set. I felt bad that I had probably worried my mother, because she had no clue where I had disappeared to, and I didn't have my cellphone on me.

"Dinner is ready." Mom announced once I walked into the house. I said nothing, only headed for the table and took a seat. She handed a full plate of food to me before taking her seat adjacent to where I sat.

"I didn't know that you could make tacos." I commented, an attempt at making conversation. Doctor Jacobs had advised that I try to strengthen my relationship with my mother, because our lack of communication and affection could have been one of the main reasons for my depression.

"I've always been obsessed with Mexican food." She said.

"I like Italian food more." I said. The conversation was obviously dry, but I really was trying. We were silent after that.

"Maybe I should teach you how to make 'em." She offered. I looked up from my plate and nodded slightly. She sent a small smile my way, and I returned the gesture. "I'm glad you're back." She muttered after almost ten minutes of silence. I wasn't sure what else to say, so I nodded.

My room was cleaner than I remembered. The sheets had been changed, and everything was neatly put into place. It made me feel slightly uncomfortable because it looked too clean and perfect. I headed into the shower before getting into bed. Before turning the lights off, I wrote about dinner with mother in my new journal. First day out and I was already making progress.

* * *

Ashton's POV

I sipped on the strange tasting tea, but still managed to smile at the cute little Japanese girls around us who looked very colourful. This was by far the weirdest interview that we had ever had. We didn't understand almost half of the questions, and we were drinking weird Japanese tea.

Our last show before our break was tomorrow night, but I couldn't wait to get on a flight back to Sydney. But we wouldn't just be hanging around and playing video games while back home. We had to start recording the new album, which was also something to get excited about.

As we were being driven back to our hotel, Michael brought up McKenzie.

"Have you heard anything?" He asked.

"About what?" I wondered.

"About McKenzie." He clarified. I thought that we were all clear on the fact that nobody was allowed to talk or ask me about her.

"No. Kellin won't respond to any of my texts.  Won't tell me how she's doing, won't give me the number that I can reach her by.  Nothing. And Cassidy knows nothing either, so I can't really ask her."

"So you're basically left in the dark?" He asked.

"Basically." I sighed.

"Well, I bet you're real excited about going back home." Luke chimed in.

"I might not even get to see her."

"I'm sure she's out by now. It's been over two months." Calum murmured.

"I just don't want to get my hopes up." I admitted. The truth was, I really was hoping to see McKenzie. I made it this long without her, but that didn't mean that I was doing okay. I realised in those two months that McKenzie could be the one.

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Author's Note

Heyya

Bit of a filler chapter over there. Please vote. I feel like a unicorn.

xxx McRee Black