Scars [Ashton Irwin]

Chapter One

CHAPTER ONE:

"You're okay. You're okay. You're okay." I repeated the words like a mantra as I crouched down and took in deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart. My head was spinning, and I was out of breath - no - I was hardly breathing. "Stop crying. You're okay. You're okay."

"Kenzie!" I heard my mother call from the house. I lay on my back, the fresh grass tickling the exposed skin on the small of my back. I continued insisting to myself that I was okay, as I listened to my heartbeat slow down, and my breathing become more even.

"Perfectly fine. You're okay." I whispered to myself. I wiped away my tears and lay there in the dark, looking up at the stars, breathing in and out. The air was cool, and it felt good against my hot cheeks. In and out. My mind began to clear, and I was beginning to feel like I really did exist. In and out. I felt the heavy weight of sadness slowly lift from my chest. In and out.

Sleep.

Breath.

In and out. My eyes were burning and begging for sleep. I let my eyes close and allowed myself to rest.
* * *

"McKenzie." I heard my brothers voice say as he shook me awake. "McKenzie, wake up." The smell of rain and wet sand filled my nostrils. I could feel the cold water falling from the sky on my pale skin. He groaned in frustration and gave up on trying to wake me up, opting to carry me into the house instead.

"I found her asleep in the backyard." I heard him tell mom.

"In the rain?" She gasped.

"No, mom. She found a random spot where it wasn't raining and fell asleep there." He said sarcastically, and I could picture him rolling his eyes at our mother. I felt as if something was tickling my nose from the inside, and I sneezed, shooting a snot rocket at my brother who was still carrying me.

"Run her a bath." Mom ordered. Kellin carried me up the stairs and into my room before heading into the bathroom. I sneezed once again and sat up on my bed. Mom walked into my room minutes later with a cup of tea in hand.

"Drink up." She said as she sat beside me. I did as I was told. We sat in uncomfortable silence as I drank my tea, unsure of what to say to each other.

"Your bath is ready." Kellin announced.

"Thanks." I said as I walked past him and into the bathroom.

After taking a warm and relaxing bath, I put my hair into a bun, threw on an old shirt and cotton shorts and crawled into bed. My mind began wondering to greater things. The thought of the future always seemed to terrify me, as I had envisioned myself dead more times than I had envisioned myself finishing high school. I fell asleep clinging to the hope that one day I might be genuinely happy, and overcome the memories of my yesterday that haunted me daily.

By 3AM I was awake again. I tossed and turned in my queen sized bed, struggling to find a position that was comfortable enough for me to fall back to sleep. My mind was wide awake and very alert. I felt too hot, but I also felt too cold. I eventually gave up the battle with sleep, getting out of bed to reach for my cherry coloured acoustic guitar.

At 6AM, I was still sat on the floor of my room, gently strumming the strings of the acoustic guitar that I adored. I finally felt tired enough to get back to sleep. But after only thirty minutes of rest, my alarm was shrieking right at the top of its lungs. It was time for me to get up and get ready for school.

I dreaded going to that hell hole every morning, but nonetheless I got up and got ready for another day in hell. It wasn't that I was bullied, I just wasn't comfortable being around a large amount of people all at once. I didn't have many friends, in fact, I had no friends. I usually spent free periods in art class, and at lunch break, I sat alone, my only companion being a book and my earphones.

The water gushing from the shower head massaged my scalp, while I rinsed the shampoo out of my long, dark hair. I rubbed my sleep deprived eyes, and hoped that I didn't look half as bad as I felt. I stood in the shower until the water ran cold, and I realised that I couldn't stay in there forever.

I stood starring at my half naked self in the mirror for a couple of minutes, pointing out all of my flaws while I decided on what to wear. I eventually tugged a pair of black leggings up my thin legs, and put on my favorite Black Veil Brides sweater, slipping on a pair of converse. My hair was put into a messy ponytail, and I combed through my bangs with the tips of my fingers.

"You're walking if you're not down in two minutes!" Kellin yelled from the bottom of the staircase. Instead of responding, I only rolled my eyes, grabbed my bag and rushed down the stairs. "Mom made breakfast." He announced as soon as I had walked into the kitchen.

"I'll eat at school." I replied simply.

"You didn't have dinner last night." He pointed out.

"Fine, I'll have a banana." I groaned, taking the yellow food from the fruit basket on the grey marble kitchen counter.

"You need to eat more." He said seriously, grabbing his car keys and walking toward the door. "Come along." He said over his shoulder.

"Coming." I mumbled.

* * *

I was in art class during free period, when I was joined by the girl that had recently enrolled into our school. I ignored her to begin with, until she took a seat beside me when there were at least twelve open desks. I pulled out my earphones slowly and smiled awkwardly in an attempt to be polite. She had thick dirty blond hair, and her eyes were the colour of gold

"Cassidy Irwin." She said, extending a hand for me to shake.

"Uh, McK-Kenzie Quinn." I stuttered, putting my shaky hand in hers. She frowned.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-Yeah." I said nervously, tucking a stray strand of my chestnut hair behind my ear. I suddenly felt like she was sitting too close, and the room was too hot.

"You're really good." She said, pointing to my drawing of Kurt Cobain.

"Thanks."

"My brother loves that band."

"Nirvana?" I asked.

"Yeah. That is the lead singer of Nirvana right?"

"Yeah, i-its Kurt Cobain."

"You know, lots of people would pay you loads of money for that drawing. You're really talented."

"Thanks." I said, chewing on my pencil.

"Why are you so shy?" She asked, although she wasn't mocking me.

"I'm just not very good with people." I said honestly.

"You're pretty cool though. Hey, wanna pair up for that English assignment? I'm kind of new to the school, and I don't really know anyone."

"You're in my English class?" I asked, and I half expected her to be offended that I hadn't noticed. But instead she grinned at me, and in that moment I knew that I had found a friend.

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