Quiet Is Viølent (Twenty One Pilots Fanfiction)

And from the things that we choose to do. Peace will win And Fear will lose.

A/N: addict with a pen is a beautiful underestimated song that I've know for a while now, and it still gets me everytime :'). Enjoy.

It didn't seem unusual to go straight to my room and to bed. It was what I'd normally do after a stressful day, especially in this circumstance. Soon, I lay completely still on my bed, blocking out this wretched thing we like to call reality. Blocking it out was all I could do. I certainly couldn't fight it. Not anymore.

They say time heals the pain, but somehow I just can't accept the idea of everything going back to normal again. As if that small time she was part of my life never existed, like she didn't even occur. It scares me. It scares me to know that she doesn't exist anymore. It would be different if she was somewhere else in the world and not dead, because if she existed at least then there'd be hope of seeing her again.

It was the late afternoon. I didn't know what do with myself because for the past hour or so I'd just been laying here. I was comfortable but I still had this voice in the back of my head that told me I was wasting my life. And I didn't know what to do with that knowledge. Should I ignore it? Or should I act upon it now and go do something memorable and inspiring.
That's been my aim from the beginning, to send across this message to anyone and everyone that wants to hear that you're not alone, and hopefully make myself believe that too. True, I have Josh, I have Xander and I now I have Jenna, but is that enough to fix things? Will I ever move on?

I roll over onto my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. It was so soft I didn't want to move. Sighing, I felt my hot breath blow onto the pillow. Deeper breaths and tired eyes followed after. I wasn't just physically tired, I was emotionally tired too. It drains your all energy so quickly all you want to do is sleep. And right now I can't sleep because it's only the afternoon and I need to eat something. I need to stay slumbered, but I also need to stay healthy, both of which I wasn't very good at. I'd constantly forget to eat meals and only have a few hours sleep. Normally I'd blame tumblr or red bull, but I know that my schedule is all messed up. It was all my fault. I'd overthink things you see, things that didn't really matter but soon I'd find myself awake at 3am thinking about it. I managed to decrease the amount of sleepless nights over the years, of course there were good nights and bad nights, especially that night at Aria's dad's house, that was a particularly bad night.

\---Flashback---/

My hands stroked roughly across my hair. I was sweating. I felt alone. I was alone. Alone in this cruel old world. I wrapped myself up tightly in the unfamiliar bedsheets as an attempt to calm down. But I couldn't, I was sad, and I didn't know why. The covers didn't seem to do anything apart from make me claustrophobic. I felt trapped. I was trapped. Trapped inside my own head, my own skeleton. Only limited to what my body will allow me to do, and right now, all it would let me do was cry.

Tears fell, they dropped down from my face into my pillows. The tears felt empty, like they weren't taking my burdens away. They were meaningless tears for meaningless saddest. My cries soon developed into loud distorted weeps that Aria could probably hear. I didn't want her to hear, because if she came in and asked me what was wrong, I wouldn't be able to say because I don't know what's wrong with me.

I quietly scream into the pillow, in order to relieve myself of my burdens, it didn't seem to work though, it only made me more scared of my mind. I lean back and sit against the wall with pillows clutched in my hands. My throat burnt from screaming and my eyelids ached from keeping them open. As much as I loved Aria, I wish I would never have to see her again. I know she's on the other side of this wall and I will see her at sunrise but right now I'm considering running away.

Ever since we started hanging out bad things had started happening to her, I feel like a curse to her happiness. And her happiness means the most to me, and if she's going to be unhappy because of me, then I'll leave her alone so she can move on. She has Xander, Josh and her dad. She'll be okay without me. I'm insignificant, no one needs me, no one.

Suddenly I had this urge to hurt myself, to feel pain I order to feel alive. I felt like smashing my head into a brick wall because that would be a lot better than just feeling nothing at all. There's this energy that builds up inside me, and energy is used several times before and later regretted the way I had used it. The pain helped though, in the short run. In the long run it became a bad memory to look back on, it would make me cringe. But tonight, I decided I won't let it happen, I have to stay strong, for Aria's sake.

After a while I manage to calm down, although my breaths are still unsteady. Part of me wishes Aria would come in and hug me and tell me that everything's going to be alright. The other half is telling that half that no one cares about me enough to do that. And because Aria didn't come, I guess the other half was right.

\---End of Flashback---/

I get out of my bed, trying my best to forget the mess I made of myself that night. My stomach rumbled, I hadn't eaten all that much recently. Slowly, I walk into my kitchen and decide to make myself a sandwich. It was the quickest and easiest thing to make and I know if I tried to cook anything I'd probably end up poisoning myself. Once I'd find he'd making my sandwich I pour a cup of tea. I recall the first time I went into Aria's apartment that's we she had. She said it helped calm her thoughts so I thought I'd give it a go.

Now, sitting down with my sandwich and tea I put my feet up and attempt to relax. The tea helps, but it's too quiet in here to relax, and as much as I enjoy the peace I wouldn't like to be left alone with just my thoughts. I switch the TV on and go into Netflix. I see the new hunger games film MockingJay part I and put it on. I remember watching catching fire with everyone at Aria's apartment. And although we both fell asleep, it was one of my fondest memories of us.

The opening credits start just as my phone starts ringing. I jump up from my chair to go answer it. It could be Josh, I think. He could need me. I grab my phone and answer it, not bothering to look who it was that was phoning me.
"Hi." I slow voice says. It was Xander.
"Hello." I reply.
"How are you?" He asks, I raise an eyebrow. Xander is being more formal than he usually is.
"I'm okay, how about you?" I question, not even bothering to change the flow of our conversation.
"I'm okay-well sorta..mainly because I..well..." He becomes really nervous and hesitant.
"Yes, go on." I say impatiently.
"Because my stupid parents kicked me out." he says, briefly sighing.
"So sorry to here that. Do you need a place to stay?" I ask.
"No, no. I'm okay. I've erm, actually got a place to stay..." He suddenly becomes nervous again.
"It's um, close to you. very close to you actually." I get more and more impatient with every word he says.
"Man I hope you're gonna be okay with this..." he mutters. I start biting my bottom lip because the tension is unbearable.
"I'm moving into Aria's old apartment." he splutters out. I blink a few times, did I here him right?
"What..." is all I manage to say.
"Yeah, you heard me, I'm moving into Aria's apartment, in a few days." He repeats himself. I fumble back a few steps.
"Before you hang up Tyler I want to tell you I had no other choice. It was there or be homeless. I couldn't put my problems on you or Josh, you've got enough on your plate. I'm sorry, Tyler." He sighs heavily before hanging up.

I sit back down. Xander is moving in to Aria's old apartment. It's like she's never existed. Like she's already been forgotten. There's a time in everyone's life where they're ready to move on, I guess I'm taking a little longer to adjust to reality.
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A/N: thanks again, to everyone who reads this. Whether you like how I write or just want to know how it ends, I appreciate it ;). |-/