The eternal suffering

That's not Emrys part 11

A.N.: //
Well there.... Arthur is going on memory lane tour.
You know me. Always adding memories to lost memory causes.... this story is already 96 pages long. What am I doing with my life. Where did my one shots go?

----------------------------------------------

"Gaius?", Merlin slowly opened the door to Gaius chambers. For a moment he feared any of the others were still in the room. But even Gwen had left. After all the chaos, the silence felt wrong in the usually cramped space.
Now it felt like there was too much space to cope with. Gaius sat at the table, studying some old inscriptions. He owned a small stone which was translucent. It broke the light in a way that helped Gaius read the words more clearly. As his eyes were loosing function the older the old physician grew.
He didn't use it often. Only when he planned to study for hours on end and didn't want to strain his eyes too much.

"Merlin.", Gaius sat down the glassy object and closed the book. Which was no doubt a magic one. Merlin could feel it.
For a moment they could hear nothing but the gnarling sound of the door as it slowly closed behind Merlin.

"I wanted to ask you something.", Merlin began as soon as the door clacked shut. He felt incredibly nervous. Gaius must have noticed it, because Merlin was stalling. Gaius was the only person he could ask about this. With everyone else it would cause too many unwanted questions.
And Gaius was the court physician. When it came to secrets of this nature, he was the one to be trusted with. Also he knew Arthur since he was a child.

"Go on then.", Gaius nodded ahead, and waved his hand for Merlin to continue.

Merlin bit his lip. "Has Arthur ever... I mean. Did he ever seem... Erm..."

The stalling made Gaius paused. "Did something happen? Did Arthur do anything strange?" Of course Gaius thought Arthur must have done something. The man was currently struggling with an entire additional time line. Some actions of his were bound to fuel concern.

"Has Arthur ever shown any interest in men?", Merlin finally stuttered out. The silence that followed stretched into uncomfortable territory. The servant/ warlock almost turned around and left.

"Interest?", Gaius rose an eyebrow.

"In THIS life, I mean.", Merlin tried to imply, but he found himself making the situation worse.

"You mean.... in their talents as warriors, surely?"

Merlin blinked at his guardian and slowly shook his head.

"Ah.", Gaius said shortly, and finally stood up from his seat. Finally realzing what Merlin was referring to. "Yes, he did. When he was younger. There was some incident with one of the older knights. I believe his name was Sir Ector or something. He was banned, as soon Uther caught wind of it.
Uther ordered me to talk sense into his son. So I did, as best as I could."

Merlin stared at Gaius.
"Talk SENSE into him? What does THAT mean?" Merlin felt a fearful fury rising in his throat. Along with bile, actually.

"I told him the truth. That he is the prince of Camelot. As such, he will need an heir. His father would never accept love of the kind that he expressed at the time. That actually, love would hardly ever play a role when he would take over the throne. His life is expected to be dedicated to the crown and Camelot. Not to private feelings."

"People should marry for LOVE, Gaius. Not convenience!"

Gaius sighed. "Yes. They should. And he can. Arthur does have interests in women as well. Though I must admit that my advice might have caused him to give up on both for a while.
I assure you, I didn't mean to tell him to stop feeling anything at all. He just needs to tone it down. Anyone he has an interest in will be in danger as long as Uther lives. No matter if they have magic or not."