Greed

6

Lia

The next morning arrived and Kyle and I refused to leave the bed.

We slept in my room since the other rooms were already taken by our relatives.

"Anong oras tayo aalis?" Kyle asked, cuddling me.

"Mamayang hapon, after lunch. Pupunta pa ba tayo sa inyo?"

"It'll be unfair kung hindi, pinakilala mo na ako eh. Plus, they'll be really happy. I have a lot of brothers."

"I'm looking forward to meeting your family," I chuckled.

Sana iba kesa sa pamilya ko. Sobrang disappointed ko kasi kahapon, pagkadilim, dumiretso nalang kami ni Kyle sa kwarto ko para manood at maglaro. Hindi ko naman alam na ganoon magiging reaksyon nila.

Fuck. Naiinis ako.

Humiga lang kami saglit ni Kyle saka naisipan na bumangon. Naghilamos muna kami sa cr ko saka dumiretso sa labas.

Gising na sila Tita at nakain, si Mama naman nagluluto.

"Goodmorning," I greeted them and sat down on the dining table.

"Bigla kayong nawala kagabi, akala namin umalis na kayo." Tita Kyla said.

"Ah, hindi po. Napagod lang sa biyahe kaya nagpahinga." I cleared.

Nagsandok kami ni Kyle ng food at umupo sa table.

"Ang dami pa naman sana namin tanong,"

"Ano po yun?" I asked Tita Kathy.

"Parang hindi niyo nabanggit pano kayo nagkakilala,"

"Uhm..." I trailed. Pinisil ko yung hita ni Kyle, asking for help.

I can't tell them that we met in a bar. That's too inappropriate. 18 palang ako nun, pero nakakapasok na ko ng bars at clubs gawa ng mga kasama ko. They can't know that.

"We met through a mutual friend po. Blind date." Kyle replied.

I smiled at them. "Yeah,"

The truth was, nagkakilala kami kasi nagsama ng tables yung mga kaibigan niya saka mga kasama ko, I was really really drunk that night tapos pinagttripan na ko ng mga kasama ko. The next thing I know, I was kissing Kyle and I ended up sleeping with him.

The amount of nervousness and fear I felt the next morning was beyond anyone's imagination. First of all, bawal ako magpagabi, my parents were so worried they had to look everywhere for me and ask our relatives if they have seen me. They couldn't contact the person I told them I was with that time because we were all so drunk and no one wanted to answer a call from a worried parent. Second of all, I fucking lost my virginity to a fucking stranger. I didn't even know that time if we used protection or not.

I was freaking out and left Kyle's place without a word. Uminom ako ng sobrang daming vitamin c non for days kasi sobrang takot na takot ako na baka nabuntis ako. I was even grounded for weeks kasi sobrang nag alala sakin mga magulang ko.

It sucks so bad.

When I was allowed to go out again, the first thing I did was go to the same bar, in hopes na makita si Kyle. Kasi putangina, it had already been weeks but my period hasn't arrived yet.

Nagtanong tanong ako sa mga staff dun about kay Kyle and I found out he's in a band, part time palang yung pag banda niya non, and he was in a different band.

Bumalik ako doon sa bar nung gabing may gig sila Kyle. I told him I haven't had my period yet at sinabi nga niya sakin na hindi niya tanda kung gumamit kami ng protection.

I was freaking out so bad. Pakiramdam ko non, mahihimatay ako sa sobrang kaba.

But the great thing was, Kyle comforted me and encouraged me to take a pregnancy test. And boy, I was fucking pregnant.

I cried for days, refused to eat, refused to do anything. My parents didn't know how I was feeling during those days. Kyle was the only one who encourages me to eat and constantly checks up on me.

But I was so confused, I didn't know what to do. I was only 18 and haven't graduated senior high yet. I was on the verge of killing myself kasi ayoko talagang maging burden kila Mama. They'll be so disappointed when they find out I'm pregnant. Plus, I didn't want to be a mother. I will be the worst fucking mother.

That's how Kyle and I decided for abortion. We thought it through for days but we couldn't delay it anymore. Ang pinaka mahalaga daw kasi sa pagbubuntis, sabi ni Kyle, yung 1st and 2nd month.

We did the abortion successfully. Nag inom lang kami ni Kyle noon at nag exercise ako nang nag exercise. But when it did happen, it was really painful. Mas masakit pa sa period. It felt like I gave birth but to a tiny fetus. I was glad Kyle was there to comfort me.

We held a funeral for the fetus in our backyard when my parents were away.

And I was fine again. Kyle and I still feel pangs of guilt every now and then, but it was the only solution we knew. I was so young, I couldn't even take care of myself, how am I going to take care of a baby? Ayoko namang magpalaki nang baby knowing I have problems of my own. That's just going to be unfair, not just for me, but for also the baby.

Thinking about it now, it pains me but we had no other choice.

"Lia," Tita Kyla called my name which made me snap out of my thoughts.

"Why are you crying?" Tita Kathy asked.

Pinunasan ko yung mata ko. Hindi ko namalayan na naiyak na pala ako.

Sigurado ako na naisip din ni Kyle iyong nakaraan. He's the one who takes all the blame. Pero alam naman namin na parehas kami naging iresponsable.

"Napuwing po," I mumbled and put my head down.

Kumain nalang ako nang tahimik. Kyle caresses my thigh to cheer me up but it was no use, guilt will forever haunt us.

Even if we don't talk about it, it will forever pain our hearts.