Don't Look Me in the Eye

I'm just not worthy!

Darkness,
The only thing there for me,
To keep me sane,
To keep me alive,
To keep me breathing with a heart beat,
Even if to me I no longer hold a heart,
I always thought my life would turn out okay,
Like in the movies or books,
But,
That's not my life,
In fact,
It just got worse.
People always told me that if I want,
Something good to happen I have to deal with the bad,
But,
Like everything else,
It was just a blissful lie.
One that I cannot fool myself with,
No matter how hard I try,
Or maybe,
It is real.
I'm just not worthy of something that great. That's it!
The reason my life is a living nightmare!
I'm just not worthy!
Maybe,
Just maybe,
I need to prove my right.
My right to live,
My right to be here with everyone.
Then maybe dad will come back,
Maybe mom will stop all the drinking,
Maybe I'll finally have a friend,
Maybe I could smile,
Instead of crying and feeling unbearably lonely.
All I need to do is show the world how wonderful I am,
And maybe then and only then I'll be happy.
I don't think I could go back to being nothing,
To suffering in silence,
To only have the voices inside of my head.
I smiled a true smile,
Before falling asleep.
Its a darn shame,
That my dear old mother,
Didn't want me,
To live in this world,
To have another mouth to feed.