God's Loving Embrace

Part Four

'For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.'

Philippians 2:13

"Harry, I just think you have to ask yourself some questions...and ask God some questions as well, at the same time." Archbishop Michael Winstanley said, clapping the younger man on the shoulder with a genial smile, happy to offer his advice. "First of all, you have always been an advocate of change. Do you still believe we are doing the right things? Five years ago, when we first met, I was enthused by your instant passion for the cause. You got it all straight away, and you had so many fresh ideas of your own...it was almost as if the doctrine merged with your own social welfare beliefs. No one, not even Charles himself, is quite as passionate about transforming our civilisation as you...so, if you have doubts now, was all that wrong? Is everything we have all achieved for nothing all of a sudden? Do the ends no longer justify the means?"

"No, I don't doubt what we have done," Harry replied, sighing as they walked around the small Cathedral, towards the slow old river running around Meadvale, but still sure of his response. He had no doubts on that score. "Not politically or practically...because it was the right thing to do then...but personally I am finding it harder to reconcile my conscience these days...I am doubting myself, not the cause...because I have to live with my decisions...literally."

"Olivia is happily married with a baby on the way, isn't she? Brogan has settled better than I ever expected, if I am honest, and you have two beautiful boys...this is all a credit to all your incredible strength and perseverance. Surely you cannot doubt that you have saved them for God, Harry? Not after all that we have been through?"

"No, I don't doubt that, Pastor. I still believe." Harry responded, after a short pause, as if he was asking himself the same questions, thinking carefully about his answers. "But, it was all rather different with Olivia and my wife. My sister is over ten years younger than me. I could always see where my parents were going wrong with her...and when she finally became my responsibility, I acted on my instincts and remained detached...because I was quite busy with other and more important things if I am honest...but I put my trust in the doctrine and let her earn God's love. I had to be steadfast I suppose, but I was simply not around to watch the day to day effect on Olivia. Brogan was simply a challenge." Harry paused as his thoughts turned to his wife, reminding himself that Michael did not know about her true origins. "I think I always loved her from the moment I first laid eyes on her at Lake House, and it was like God sent her to me...as a present...a tangible reward for all my efforts on his behalf. I was more than happy to continue her education but Paul and Miss Ellis did all the hard work and left me to keep her as a Daughter of Eve. But...Eloise...and little Grace...they are just children...in Melbourne, I did things with them and for them that I have never done with Brogan or Olivia in my whole life, Pastor. I held them whilst they cried...damn it, I even cooked and cleaned a bit for them...I arranged their father's fucking funeral and helped them choose the hymns for goodness sake...I promised them I would look after their mother...and..."

"And you are. Harry, you are doing exactly what you believe to be right in God's name and supported by His undying love," Pastor Winstanley gently interrupted the younger man, his usual calm cutting through the problem, and clearly focussing him on the real issue. He could sense the confusion in Harry and he recognised it as maturity. In his youth, as circumstance propelled him to power as part of what amounted to a revolution, Harry had no doubts at all in his mind, acting purely on instinct, but five years later he was a husband and a father, and those relationships changed people. "Age...and indeed great responsibility...do change us, old chap...much more than we realise. I remember not so long ago, Charles and I had to counsel you to take things much more slowly for fear of losing all our momentum in the chase...I recall your rather brutal attitude to the training of our first, rather less than enthusiastic sisters of mercy, and I told you then that we had to do things properly...and take our time in God's love. Eloise and Grace are really no different to Olivia or Brogan, but you are different now Harry...as we all are. Experience and four years of grave responsibility have reduced the red hot fire in your belly, just a little...and it has made you more compassionate, more caring in your personal relationships. That is no bad thing...fatherhood, coupled with all the great work that God demands of you, has taught you so many lessons, of which this is just one. You naturally feel for Belinda, Eloise and Grace in their horrible situation...and that is making you forget that you are saving them Harry...saving them all in God's love. I know it is hard...I have sanctioned many things that have been hard on people, but I have always remembered my faith in what we are doing...in time, the girls will see and understand that you were acting in their best interests, and until that realisation you must stay strong for them...and remind dear Brogan that we are doing God's work, and that you must always be master in your own house. You are the master of your own destiny...not her...and although your feelings for your responsibilities do you nothing but credit, you have to stand back and look at the big picture as the man caring for their souls, as well as their comforts."