❝You're thinking too much, just love me.❞
❝I'm scared to love you,❞ I mumbled under my breath. ❝Attachment is frightening.❞
❝I'm scared too, but I'm willing. I don't know how it feels like to be unconditionally loved by someone. I think that's th...
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⚠️ TW// mentions of r*pe, detailed description of suicide ⚠️
Beomgyu~
"Hey, you're actually home for once." I greeted my sister once I got back home from Jeju.
"Yup! Finally my day off." Yoojin sighed and rested on the couch.
"Can we talk?" I sat beside her, and she became very confused.
"Is there a problem?" She took a sip of her green tea.
"Did you know a guy named Kang Taehyun?" I asked and she suddenly dropped the mug. The tea fell everywhere, and some even splattered onto us. Thank goodness it wasn't too hot anymore.
"W-Why'd you ask?" She stuttered while panicking. One of the maids came over and cleaned out the mess, while Yoojin and I went to the garden for some fresh air. "I never thought I'd hear that name again."
"He's my girlfriend's brother." I mentioned and she instantly turned her back against me. I swear I heard a couple of sniffles... she's probably crying.
"How is she?" She whispered quietly.
"It's been hard for her. Her whole family practically fell apart after he..." I carefully said. As much as I don't like my sister, it seems to be a sensitive topic for her. "Why did you do that?"
"I was young and selfish. I was obsessed with popularity, so yes- in the beginning I did agree to some stupid bet. Although, it wasn't me who made the rape allegations. My friends spread that rumour, dragging my name to it since I was dating him..." She took a few deep breaths. "Yes, we were drunk when things happened- but I've always consented to him. I wasn't even too drunk that night, so I remembered clearly. We both validly consented, but people took words out of our mouths. I would have never said anything that could hurt him... I loved Taehyun so much."
"Why does his family believe that you're still at fault?" I looked down and felt conflicted. It's a lot messier than I thought.
"I wanted to come forward and be honest, but mom and dad didn't let me. Even when I said something, nobody believed me. When I finally did, I received backlash because he was already dead. My guilt has been killing me for the past decade." She had tears streaming down her face as she explained.
*Flashback* (this is from Yoojin's pov, she is talking about the past to Beomgyu)
"He never raped me, what are you guys talking about?" I asked around since I kept hearing rumours about my boyfriend and I. My friends turned their backs against me and just laughed. I kept my head down and walked away, but immediately got bothered by other people just moments after. They're all asking the same question.
I found Taehyun behind the school premises, crying while hugging his backpack. He seems so defenceless and scared, I've never seen him like this. He's always been confident and well-spoken.
"Hey, don't listen to them." I went up to him and he shuddered.
"Did I hurt you?" He asked and I shook my head. I told him that I'm completely fine and just as confused.
"I'll make sure to-" right before I could talk to him, the police arrived with my parents and escorted me away. The ride home was long and nerve racking.
Throughout the whole week, my parents tried to divert my attention- pressuring me to believe thing that weren't true. The police were also persuasive when interrogating me, as if they were threatening me if I didn't say what they wanted to hear. In many ways, they were attempting to brainwash me.
"Officer, the kid... we got a call, I think you need to make your way over there right now." I overheard the conversation between one of the policemen and the interrogator.
"Can I get a ride home?" I asked. I actually don't need one, I'm curious to hear more about what they were talking about.
"I don't think that's the best idea... but your house is on the way, so alright." He was quite unsure but gave in.
They seemed a bit cautious, since I was sitting at the back. As much as possible, they didn't disclose anything to each other which got me frustrated. Once they finally dropped me off at my house, I sneaked out the backdoor and watched where their car was going. It was the direction to Taehyun's house, so I took my bike and began to make my way.
I tried to call him on my way there, but got no answers. It only left me with more questions and I started to get very anxious. Once I arrived there, the place was bombarded with the ambulance, police, and an investigation team.
A stretcher with a body then came rolling out of the house, a white cloth draped over it. A hand then slipped to the side, revealing a gruesome sight that I would never forget about.
It was Taehyun's right wrist that's been cut open, blood pouring out. His arm looks so pale and white... almost lifeless. He's even wearing the bracelet I gave him on our anniversary.
My heart stopped and I felt lightheaded. The ringing in my ears grew louder, and my whole body felt hot. I was in a state of shock, not knowing what to do.
"What are you doing here?" The officer from earlier yelled and tried to block the scene. I finally came into the realization and started bawling my eyes out.
No, it can't be real. This can't be happening... he can still live right?
"They can still resuscitate him, right? Please tell me... please." I pleaded as my knees began to grow very weak.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, but he's gone."
*End of flashback*
"I'm sorry... I can't talk about it anymore..." Yoojin cried in my arms as I tried to calm her down, she's having trouble breathing and so the maids took out the ventilator. I've never seen her have such a bad panic attack.
"It's okay, you don't have to explain anymore. I believe you."
____________________________
Know this feeling too well :(
Song: Kim Yeonji (김연지) — The Words in My Heart (마음의말)
