hate to love you ⌮ choi beomgyu

29 | love like that

Beomgyu~

"Is this what you wanted to tell me?" Sohyun stared at me in confusion. The whole crowd went silent and I took a deep breath, preparing what I'm suppose to say next.

"Yes, I'm dating Nana. Even before you came here... me and her were already together," I looked down to avoid her gaze. "I only used you."

"Was it fun?" She whimpered.

"Huh?" I looked up and saw the tears in her eyes that were fighting to fall. Her expression is so blank. I'm almost too afraid to know what she's thinking of at this very moment.

"Was it fun taking me for granted, Beomgyu?" Sohyun whispered. "So this whole time... it was just me?"

"Yes." I bluntly replied.

No, sunshine. I love you like fucking crazy.

"Well then, I'm done here now. I hope you two have a good life together." She walked passed me and didn't look back.

___________________________

Sohyun~

I looked behind me to see if there were still people in sight. Once there weren't, I ran towards the soccer field that has another exit that I can go through.

I don't think I'll be able to sit beside Beomgyu in class today. Or ever.

It makes no sense to me why he would do that. What did he gain from hurting me? There's so many other people out there, why me? Why did he make me feel that way until the very end?

Why did he pretend to love me like that?

At some degree, I'm not even surprised by the outcome of our "relationship". I already know that everyone I care for would end up disappearing from me one day. Nobody I love ever stayed, and that's just my reality.

But why is it always so sudden?

What do I have to do to get them to stay? Did I do anything wrong? Was there something I could have done differently so that Beomgyu could have fallen for me?

The few months we were together, did it seriously mean nothing to him? Beomgyu felt so genuine... that's the part making it difficult to believe that he lied to me. Just this morning, we were doing so well.

Why would he pour his heart out to me just to take it right back? That's so unfair.

Right, of course nobody would want to love me. Who would love a person who's broken? They would have to do all the fixing, and that can get quite burdensome.

I feel so small right now. Everything I knew about myself, the things I have achieved, the progress I've made regarding my wellbeing... I'm starting to rethink it. I was so dependent on Beomgyu, that I basically gave my everything to him.

How could he just throw me away like this?

I suddenly got a message from Nana, and on it contained an article. I opened it without thinking twice, and to my surprise it included my brother and Beomgyu's older sister.

⚠️ TW// mentions r*pe & suicide ⚠️

Rape allegations strongly denied by supposed victim after suspect, Kang T*****n was found dead. Stated to all be "false rumours"

On February 20, rape allegations against Kang spread throughout Hanlim School like wildfire. Later the same day, Kang was found dead in his home, then ruled as a suicide with no further autopsy conducted. Victim, Choi Y****n later admitted that the rumours were completely false. No further investigation was conducted.

For the second time today, my heart completely stopped and my knees went limb. I fell on the cold pavement as my phone hit the cement, cracking the screen.

I feel so numb.

Beomgyu... he knew about this. He lied to me once again.

Everything that happened that day, the imagery of seeing my brother like that, the damage it's done to my family, and the pain it had caused me all these years... it's all because of Beomgyu and his sister.

I'm so close.

All the love I ever felt for him is so close to becoming anger and hatred within my heart.

___________________________

I have 5 exams the next two weeks... haha I wanna cry... another retail therapy,,, I bought 5 txt sweaters/jackets last friday and the holiday special box today:')

Song: Olivia Rodrigo — Traitor