No one cares || Dnf

72. Goodbye

George POV

I came home, trembling. I opened the door and heard "George!" calling from Clay.
"Oh my god George! I was worried! Where were you?!", he came running towards me. When he reached me, he hugged me tightly and eventually gave me a little kiss on the cheek.
"Hey, it's fine, I settled that with the school. Don't ask how, but everything's okay now", he smiled at me.

I didn't really listen to him. I was trapped in my mind and like numb on the ears.
'Was it selfish? Was I selfish not wanting to see that I wasn't doing anything better? Floris wasn't who I thought he was. He wasn't really a bad person either, but something must have happened to him that changed his nature so much. He was just a regular high school student who played rugby, and yet he was more powerful than we initially thought. I knew I couldn't beat him and I didn't want to do that to Clay. Even if I kept telling myself that, I wasn't strong. Neither externally nor internally. Though surely everyone else would have done it differently, I had now made a decision that hurt me more than anything, but I listened to my head to keep my heart out of pain.'

"George?"
"Hmm?", I shook my head when I got out of my thoughts again.
"George, are you okay?"
I didn't answer.
"Where were you?"
I didn't answer.
"George?....", Clay leaned down, looked me deep into the eyes and grabbed my shoulders tightly.

"Does it still make sense?", I whispered.
"What?"
"Isn't it cursed?", I looked to the side to avoid Clays look.
"George, what are you saying?", Clay looked at me worried and slightly shook me.
"Maybe it's just not the right time?", I looked into the void.
"George?", Clay slowly let go of me. Then I turned my head to him with a smile on my lips.

"You deserve so much", my eyes began to fill with tears.
"You deserve more! I- I don't know what you want to say with that George....", Clay clenched his fists and teeth.
"Was it even ever meant to happen-", I looked at him with an empty glance while I couldn't feel my body anymore. I stopped following what I wanted. I didn't follow my heart for a moment. I felt deep inside me how everything was pulling together. Maybe I made too big of a show of it, but in some ways it seemed right to me. It just hurt and I wanted to get us both out of there, even if Clay hadn't noticed that much of it.

Of course I could have just told him everything and let him take care of it, but that would have been pathetic. It was too late now. I decided. Maybe it would make things better. Who knew ...

"What are we doing here?", I looked at him expressionless while I felt a small tear running down my cheek.
"George, what are you trying to say....", Clay said quietly. I felt his fear.
"Take a look at us from the outside. You made my life hell and now? What is this?"
"George....", Clay closed his eyes and pressed his lips together.
"Maybe someday later, but ... we picked the wrong time Clay."

I knew Floris wasn't even halfway through with us and could make our lives hell, so I tried to find another way. As stupid as it maybe was, it could have been the biggest mistake of my life, or the best decision. Or maybe it was just a good idea from someone who listened to their feelings. I felt no going back now anymore.

"Why are you doing that?", Clay looked down to the floor.
"You don't know about it. You don't know about anything", I said calmly while more tears followed.
"Then tell me!", he yelled, looking back up to me hastily. Then I saw that his eyes were glassy too.
"It will try to destroy us...", I looked away again.
"It? George, what happened? Why- why can't you just-", I heard in his voice that he was about to cry.

"Shhh", I stepped towards him and put my finger on his lips. He roughly grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. Then the first tear escaped his eye.
"You don't want that either", he sobbed. No, I didn't want that. That was the absolutely last thing I wanted. Clay was my life for me, I loved him more than everything else, but something in me told me it was right.

"Who should I do this for?", I said quietly.
"For you, for me. For us...", Clay gently put his cheek in my hand that I had on his neck.
"I'll stop being selfish now", I slowly shook my head and pulled the hand away.
"Selfish? That has nothing to do with selfish! This is love!", Clay yelled.
"Clay....", I pressed my lips together.
"George, tell me what's up and I-", I cut him off by leaning my forehead on his.

I looked him deep into the eyes and weakly smiled while both our eyes let tears out of them.
"It's over", I said with squeezed eyes.
"No, no! No!", Clay wrapped his arms around my waist and neck and pressed his lips against mine. I put my hands on his neck and pulled him closer to me. The kiss felt like forever and was beautiful.

For me that was the hardest thing ever, but I had decided.
"Clay", I pulled away and smiled at him, "This is the end."
"No....no....", Clay's face was covered with tears. I had never seen him cry before.
"George....", he sobbed quietly, "Why would you do that?...."

Then I slowly ran my hands down on him and finally tore myself away. I turned and ran for the door. I opened it hastily and ran out.
"George!", Clay yelled and chased after me.
"I love you", I whispered to myself and ran faster. I crossed the street and ran as fast as I could.
"George! Stop!", I could hear Clay screaming while he continued running after me, "I- I love you....I- love-...."

But soon I heard him break in tears and he stopped. I glanced back and saw him sitting on the floor, looking after me. His hand was on his chest, gripping the fabric of his hoodie tightly. As much as it hurt me, I turned my head back and ran on. So we escaped from Floris. I didn't want to cause any worse damage from him and instead preferred to do what he wanted. But he hadn't won for a long time.

I did not give Clay up and all that was the biggest pain for me, but I felt that everything will be fine.
"I love you Clay...."

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~1.137 words~