T R A I T O R

Chapter 2

And I can't see the end of this

Lando's pov

How did I Lando Norris manage to lose Kiara like this? I can still picture her in my mind looking brutally upset I can't believe that I am the reason for this to happen. She was hurting because of me, if only we could go back in time I would tell her that I loved her more than my career. She had always been there for me, I would wake up in the mornings, and Kiara would set out my breakfast and say that she was so proud of me but behind that beautiful smile was an anxious girl .

I have never felt like such an idiot before, the number of times Kiara said "I am fine" is unreal, I should have known the true meaning behind those three words. I want to hold her right now, beg at her feet, yell and scream until I lose my voice all to just tell her that she means everything to me. She has been there for me even before I started karting and she always told me how impressed she was and that she would always be there for me.

Kiara and I both understood that my career racing for Formula 1 was important, and because it was such a demanding sport there were a lot of changes to make throughout our lives together. I had to move to Woking since it's closer to the Mclaren headquarters Kiara also decided to move as well but decided to buy a reasonably priced apartment south from woking. She worked as a curator, the ideas she came up with for exhibitions were amazing but oh the payment, to be honest, the payment and the work environment were absolutely shit. 

She would sometimes cling onto me as if she was a little girl trying to make an excuse that she couldn't fill in for work because other workers there were so toxic they made her life miserable and to see Kiara get ready for work on the days she even dreaded, just remind me that this was why I loved her, she was just so god damn stubborn and strong. The number of times I warned her about Formula 1 and how difficult our relationship could become didn't seem to bother Kiara at all, I told her about my contract with the team and that I will constantly be flying to countries all over the world under every circumstance she would never let me chose between my career or her since she knew how important racing meant to my family and I.

I wish that I could go back in time and tell her that I loved her and hated to admit it since I know that love is something I cannot control, the way she just stood there crying and whipping away those tears that I was responsible for is something that I would never forget. I never thought that I had hurt her so much. 

Even at the times, I wanted to make things okay between us through zoom calls the time changes were so difficult because once I fell asleep she would soon wake up.  I remember how anxious I used to be returning from my long flights back home just to see how Kiara was coping with everything since her poor life was falling apart and  I knew this in the tone of her beautiful voice during our late/early calls. Every time I had to inform her about when my next race was she would get upset, and beg as much as she possibly could to try and get me to stay with her but we both know that it was impossible

I can't stop thinking about her. No calls, voice messages, or any contact with her. It's been so hard to not think about her, maybe she has already moved on with some other guy, I hope he treats her well and I know she would deserve him more than me. Kiara's parents lived in the north of Italy they were constantly busy with their work and she wished they could make more time for her as much as she wanted them to be, Kiara didn't have any siblings and she had a best friend that didn't treat her the way she wanted to be. Kiara only had me. The times when she used to wear my merchandise made my heart melt, even if she wore an oversized shirt of mine made me fall in love with her all over again.