T R A I T O R

Chapter 3

Just wanna feel your kiss against my lips

I want to know what Kiara is up to right now. As I harshly grabbed my bottle of vodka from the fridge and started to drink the icy cold liquid that gradually burnt my throat, and as I threw my head back the more I thought of her, the more memories came back and as much as I wanted to feel her presence. Of course, there was nothing. 

As I tore my clothes off and threw them into a messy pile in my room and climbed into my bed. The other side of the bed felt empty, cold, and lonely. It took me a while to fall asleep thinking about what she must be up to. I'm drenched in my own sweat and drowning in my own tears I feel like absolute shit why is she taking up my mind?  Is this what Kiara is dealing with as well? Or am I just starting to feel how she used to, whenever I left her all alone whilst I worked on the other side of the country? How could I ever do this to her? Why did I treat her as if she was never even there?

Whenever I got back home to Woking Kiara was always there to pick me up from the station and the beautiful smile she had on her face warmed my heart more than anything. I used to spoil her with so much, but she used to say to me "gifts won't help, you staying would"  I need to call her right now and tell her I'm sorry but I am afraid, what if she never picks up? 

As I attempted to call her, it just went straight to voice mail (as I imagined) even though it was just a 10-second message, that voice made me feel a little bit better. Why didn't she pick up? Was she with her parents back in Italy? She must have seen the notification pop up! Other than that I am a coward, a heartless selfish person who had everything he wanted but this one girl who is my everything. 

 I can just imagine her curled up into a little ball, feeling down as she usually did and how lonely she must have felt because Kiara had nobody she was mine and I was all she had. A horrible dream occurred to me and it was about Kiara, she was whispering to me over and over again saying how much she needed me but I know that this is just what I want, not what she needs.

Her touch, I need her touch I just want to feel her warm small arms wrapped against my waist as we are chilling on a nice Thursday afternoon, in her empty apartment. It's so difficult to think that we haven't had any contact at all in just two days, I know it's pathetic but I need to hear her voice once again, not the voice I heard the other night as she told me she couldn't handle my career, when she told me that I could get any other person in the world that would deserve me, maybe a model earning about the same income as I was, or just hook up with some others for the fun. Deep down I knew she couldn't deal with the fame but God I really did try to help her even when times were tough.