T R A I T O R

Chapter 9

I hate you, I love you

I'll be heading to Monza in a few hour's time, without Kiara by my side. She loved Italy because her parents were there and so were a few of her friends as well. I was tempted to driving up to her apartment and beg her to come with me until she gave in, but I am just too mad at myself, how did I manage to let her go like this? 

Packing was always something Kiara and I did together since she always wanted to make sure that I was prepared for the practices, qualifyings, and race, she never told me but I knew she always thought of me as such a  forgetfull person.

All of a sudden there was a ring buzzing from my phone and as I picked my phone up I was hoping so badly it was from the person I needed to hear her voice from but obviously it wasn't. It was just another call from the team as Zac was informing me of all the details for this week's schedule, and I was trying too hard to comprehend all the information because he sounded so stressed out. The pressure is really on for us this week. 

Carrying my bags and placing them into my car was something I hated to do because it always reminded me of leaving Kiara and she never wanted to show how nervous she was to see me go but I could always tell that something was up. I'm already down at the airport and trying to look for a car park is difficult but I eventually make my way... 

"Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 89B to Italy. We are now inviting passengers to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you." 

I don't want to be spending these next few days in such a beautiful city, I feel guilty taking every opportunity away from her. As I clenched the water bottle with both my hands and drank the water aggressively because I started to feel extremely dehydrated from all the tears. Kiara has taken a toll on me and my shamefulness is taking over me. I have struggled to keep any sort of food down at the moment and you would know that this is not good for such a high demanding sport where you are sitting in such a heightened spaced car for up to 90 minutes. 

While I am tapping the edge of my armrest trying to focus on the good things is quite difficult and  I can not believe I told Kiara to "Focus on the good things" myself, as I sat there slightly chuckling to myself about how much of an idiot I am. This time last year things were nowhere near where they are now, I literally had everything planned out I wanted to get down on one knee and propose to Kiara and ask her to marry me. However this plan didn't turn out, I completely blew it.

I'm at battle with my own mind, each part of my body was telling me to turn around. I was making up stupid plans of getting off this plane and running back to Kiara. Maybe I should just leave all this behind me and act like we were nothing but I know that my family would expect more from me and I could never do Kiara like that.