T R A I T O R

Chapter 6

But I still can't seem to tell you why

There is absolutely nothing better for me to do rather than just taking a long shower to put myself into my mindset for the weekend. But I can't think straight, I simply didn't feel right, and just knowing the fact that Kiara hates my guts affected me more than anything. I just want to think about everything being perfectly normal, with her by my side, next to me. 

Whenever. I got home from the races I would head directly towards the fridge for the bottle of icy cold water, she would just slowly approach me and wrap her arm's around me and whisper "you did amazing"  and to hear those three words made me feel so grateful that Kiara was there for me every step of the way.

As I am lying in my bed screaming although there is no noise coming out of me, and crying until there are no more tears to fall. I am drained, over the past couple of weeks, she has gotten the best out of me because I needed her, so much.

I felt her head resting against my shoulder and her arm linked around mine as we were walking down our childhood favourite park near her apartment in Woking, and as we were walking I always felt scared to tell her that "I am loving spending time with you, even if it's only a few days a week now during this month" shit I had to ruin the moment, didn't I? 

"Only a few days? I thought you were staying for longer, well at least up to a week?" 

 As I turned to face her, she looked broken but I thought I already told her about my schedule but clearly not..."I have to train at the headquarters from Monday to Friday, so I'll be staying over there this week"  

Her eyes started to tear up, "Lando, your never here anymore. I have been struggling so much without you"  She turned the other way as she mumbled to herself "Nowadays we even find it difficult to spend time for just 5 minutes.

"Baby, I can't change any of these rules, and you know it."  she looks at me in disbelief. "Kiara, I could've sworn I already told you"

"No" she steps back keeping her focus on the ground, "Lan you don't tell me anything anymore, you're just too busy, too fucking busy now. I'm only one call away, but you're too busy.

If I could just go back in time and change everything I really would. I can't keep posting on my socials and giving what the whole world wants. Acting up at work as if everything is okay, it's so difficult. I honestly won't be surprised if I get kicked out of my seat by the team and replaced with someone else because I don't even know who I am anymore. I am not the same as before, I am not the Lando Norris that Kiara wanted me to be.