T R A I T O R

Chapter 5

But I still can't seem to tell you why

I am spending all my long, quiet nights alone, everywhere I go reminds me of  Kiara, we would both usually go out on long night drives so we could both take our minds off of everything. Every time we went to the local supermarket, cookie dough was always essential since it was our favorite snack ever since we were little.

I remember the times when Kiara used to stay up all night just because she was too scared of losing me, I never told her I found out because one time she was talking to me as I was asleep, but trust me I was never more awake. She told me "Lando, I am scared of losing you, I often think about losing you, and to think that something as horrible like that happening breaks me. whenever I see you crash on live television, whether or not the crash is either big or small I get horrified especially if it takes you time to step out of that car."  

"I struggle to eat whenever you're gone or, if I do try to shove food into my small body, the food would not stay down for too long" and as she started to tear up she gently took my hand and squeezed it whenever her sobbing became louder, she would rub small hearts on them and would just tell me over and over again about how much she loved me. I know Kiara will get even more upset if she knew that I heard everything.

To hear her say stuff like that whenever I tried to fall asleep made me want to give up my career and stay with Kiara forever, I have enough money to quit, get married, raise beautiful children, and live an amazing life with Kiara but she knows how much racing means to my family and me, plus she is to committed with her shitty job back in Woking. She used to say to me that she wanted to disappear to the times whenever a dark thought of me would occur in her head, and she just wanted me to forget about her and so I could move on with my life and find someone else but Kiara needed me more than anything and I needed her.

Kiara used to stay up all night because she was horrified to see me step out of her apartment whenever I had to go she would always beg me and say "Don't dare leave me Lando" and to see her bloodshot eyes because of how upset she felt made me want to cry right in front of her but I would never let Kiara see my other side of vulnerability. But whenever those times came to say goodbye, even though it was only three days without her I would always say the same things. "Babygirl, I need you to keep productive, start a new hobby, and maybe even try to avoid watching the races if it gives you so much anxiety"  but she would always reply with "But I can't live without you."