Death is not the end

19.Stay!!

Lexa's POV

"You can come in you know! You are always welcome" her head turned towards me and she had a confused expression on her face "Even if I am not here my guards have the order to send you in anytime you want and only you"

"I thought you wouldn't..." I couldn't help myself anymore before she finished her sentence my lips met hers and we shared a lengthy kiss.

When we pulled away I had our forehand's still touching "you are always welcome no matter what" and with that I walked in the tent.

I retired for the day since I had no other duties, it wasn't until I was struggling to get my armor off and heard a small chuckle that I knew she had came in and I couldn't help but smile.

"You need a little help there big bad commander." I could feel her eyes burning my half naked back.

"No I got it" to stubborn for my own good I should have just taken the help. Struggling for another few minutes until I felt a pare of hands come around my waist and lower my hands from above my head.

"Let me help" and so I did and within a matter of seconds Clarke had the amor off and I was only in and under sweater and my pants. "You should take help more often Commander" Fuck if she says commander one more time I am... "don't make it gay Lexa" all I could do was chuckle.

That week before Clarke came down I had a lot of time to think and to revise and make sense of what had happened and one thing I remember bluntly was the pain. The pain that I felt every time I thought about this blonde, the memories of her I tried to get rid of and the thought that I would never see her again killed me. Not the fact that she might be dead but that i had to live and move on without her and that she had to see me die and move on without me. 

I hated Titus for what he had done but I can only be glad Clarke is okay and she is safe with me now.

"What are you think about that's got you so sad" she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder. "Lex you can tell me anything you know that right?!"

I knew that question wasn't just about now but also about what actually happened that day by the pods.

"It's just..."I turned around in her arms and her arms were now around my neck "I was thinking about" the look she gave me made me realize why I had fallen for the blonde in the first place.

She was the only one that saw me for me, knew that the true commander was in there somewhere and that i couldn't lie to her ,she could see right through me. The cringe in my own voice in my head sickened me. "You know what never mind" and I looked to the floor.

"No Lexa tell me...please!!" She said taking her finger and pushing my chin up to look at her, by now tears were starting to form in my eyes. "Hey Lex I am here...I am not going anywhere okay" she pulled me into a hug which made me sob even more.

I didn't know why but I couldn't stop the crying the thought of Clarke leaving me just hurt worse than I thought, Clarke loving another broke me emotionally. Yes it's her life and she could love who she wants but then she would be taking my heart with her and be braking it piece by piece.

I think the only reason I retaliated the way I had was because I was afraid...afraid someone would be more important to her, that she would feel more loved by another when all I do is love her, that she wants more, that she would end up hurting me so left before I could get hurt.

For a split second I began to believe that love is weakness and that I was stupid to believe otherwise, that Titus was right and that I put my pride before my judgement.

The way I felt this past week had just come out in sobs and tears. I had held everything back and gave her, her space and pretended everything was fine but it wasn't. I was dying on the inside, the thought of Clarke in another's bed killed me, the thought of her looking into his eyes with way more love and joy made me want to hide away but what hurt the most was the thought that she would be happy without me.

"Hey come here" she dragged me to my bed and laid down tapping the empty space next to her. "C'mere babe" I hadn't even thought about the pet name she just called me and went to lay next to her cuddling up into her side laying my head on her chest. Listening to her heart beating, feeling her chest rise and go down as she breathed. My love for the blonde grew more and more by everything she did. I loved her more now then ever.

Clarke's POV

Not long after Lexa laid her head on my chest I felt her breath even out and knew the brunette had fallen asleep.

I had never seen her like that, she was fine one moment and the next sobbing, my heart broke just hearing her sob. I am definitely going to talk to her about it but right now I don't want to push it.

These few weeks has been stressful on all of us but especially Lexa, everyone is always looking up to her waiting on her next move and her next comment, she hardly ever gets a brake and yes I know that that comes with being Heda and all but still she can only handle so much, not that I didn't add on to the stress, of course I didn't mean to and yes she is the one who asked me to leave but I should have been more persistent.

Looking outside through the small crack I realized how dark it had gotten the sun is almost fully set and the voices outside began to become quieter, the guards had already changed to the night post and the villagers were on there way to sleep, which is something I should go do to. I moved my one leg off the bed when Lexa moved a little higher.

"Clarke" I heard a small whisper coming from below. I turned to face the now awake brunette and a small smile appeared on my face seeing the small girl on my chest still. Something about it just made my heart happy the fact that she is with me and that I can be hear to touch her and love her.

"Yes" I reply after a while.

"Stay with me" the pout in her voice and on her face how could I say no. I put my leg back on the bed and smiled at the beautiful brunette.

"I am not going anywhere"

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Awww Lexa and Clarke are so cute 😭😭😭

i wanted them to fight longer but that kinda made me sad and i couldnt do it😢🙈

So i have the ending for this book planed out already.😩

There will be a sequel to this book, the sequel plot is totally(somewhat) different then this book which is why I can't add it on. However the sequel will take a little longer to get started bc I am currently working on 2 new Clexa fanfic books.

Ps:there is about 2 chapters left and if I am feeling generous might give you a sneak peak of the sequel.

We will see!!!

Anygay 😏

Thanks for reading 📖 hope you enjoyed feel free to comment  unless you have something negative to say tho your consrictive criticism is appreciated 😊