Love Never Leaves A Heart Where It Found It

Heart vs Mind

Hello guys! Here is the new chapter. It is a shortish one but an emotional one for sure. Hope you enjoy. :)

Hailey was dumbfounded at that moment, she hadn't expected this even in her wildest dreams. The man she loved was kneeling in front of her and proposing to her, but she was hesitating in saying yes. Why was this? This was something that had always seemed like the ultimate outcome if everything worked out, but suddenly it was all too overwhelming and scary. He was looking at her with the most hopeful and lovable eyes and she didn't know how to react or what to say. She stared into his eyes for a long moment as well then gently got down on her knees as well. Her eyes were full of tears now and she barely managed, "Jay..."

"Hailey, the moment I realised I could lose you I knew I wanted to be with you forever. I promised myself if you made it I would ask you to marry me," he said, meaning every word.

A fresh wave of emotions surfaced on her eyes now and she really didn't know what to say. She was so overwhelmed that she didn't even know what she felt. He was still searching her eyes and patiently waiting for her to say something. She looked at him feeling all the emotions at once. Did she want to marry Jay? Of course, with all her heart she wanted to do this. So why was she hesitating so much and thinking so much? Why was there a doubt in her mind? The answer was simple, but the entirety of that answer was what made her falter in accepting his proposal. It was just too complicated, their situation was too complicated. Their job, their responsibilities, their lives, and everything else came in the way and it was not easy trying to balance everything at the same. She couldn't help but remember the previous time they had done something in hiding, they had been caught and it has almost cost both of them their jobs. And the repercussions of that incident were having an impact even today, Hailey had after all moved to New York because of that.

Finally Jay spoke, trying to understand what was happening in her mind, "Hailey, what's the matter? We can make this work."

And about that exactly Hailey was doubtful, because there was no going back once they took the step. She started again, hoping that the words came out, "Jay... I..."

But he interrupted her, "Become mine Hailey."

This was reaching a point from which there was no return and Hailey couldn't take it anymore. Jay was being so sweet, so honest and so vulnerable right now that she didn't know how to let him down. But she had to do it, before things got worse. He was so keen on this happening that it broke her heart every time he spoke. Finally she decided, "Jay, how are we going to make this work?" she was crying.

She noticed the sudden flash of hurt in his eyes and that broke her broken heart once more. He looked at her wondering what she really meant. Then he spoke softly, "You're saying no?" the sadness and pain were so evident on his face in his voice that Hailey felt like running away from here.

"No, I am not saying that Jay... I just don't know if we are ready for this now..." she said, breaking from within inch by inch.

The tears were evident in his eyes now and he just stared at her, not knowing what to tell her or how to convince her. Then he tried, "Hailey I thought you would so happy about this... I didn't know you felt this way..."

"No..." the tears were heard in her voice. "I am happy Jay, I really am... But I really don't know how we are going to make this work..." she said, going closer to him.

He looked down, unable to meet her eyes anymore. He was hurt and Hailey knew it. She softly placed her hands on his cheeks and urged him to look at her, he didn't. She caressed his face again, but he didn't meet her eyes yet. As much as this was breaking him apart, that much it was having the same effect on her. She spoke between sobs, "Look at me Jay."

Her voice always had an effect on him and he slowly looked into her eyes. His eyes reflected pain and hurt, which in their turn made her eyes more tearful. She had to handle this properly otherwise it would only become more painful. "Jay, I would love to marry you one day. And I know that day is going to be one of the best days of my life, but right now, I am not ready for this."

She sighed deeply, hoping to still not break down completely and continued, "And we don't even live together anymore. We are miles away and we have a demanding job and"—

He felt the need to interrupt her, "Hailey, all these things don't matter. Why can't you see that you're the only thing that actually matters in life?" he was really begging.

Hailey couldn't take this anymore. Jay was pouring his heart out to her and she was talking about practicalities. But she knew that saying yes was not going to be roses and rainbows, they would have to sacrifice and go through so much. She had to make him understand these things without sounding heartless, "Jay... these things do matter... Do you even have the remotest idea about how we are going to manage this? Because, I for one, cannot see a single way this can be done right now."

He looked at her in surprise and wonder and answered simply, "I don't care, I really don't care about anything else. I just want to be with you."

It was Hailey's turn to display the expressions he had displayed earlier. She realised both of them were on completely different tracks. Jay was speaking from his heart and she from her mind, and never had these do formed a team. For a brief moment she wondered if she should just give in, but she knew this time she was right, rationality was needed this time. She got up suddenly, not knowing what more to say. She turned the other way now, unable to look at him anymore. He followed her and went to the other side to face her. He looked at her with a small smile and said, "Fine, I am not going to push you. But just know one thing Hailey, nobody is ever going to love you more than I do."

Hailey had had enough, emotions were just piling up in her being now. She needed an outlet. She approached him and hugged him. He didn't react for a moment but then slowly wrapped his arms around her. Her one hand was at the back of his neck, caressing it. She never placed her hand at the back of anyone's neck except for Jay and he knew that. They knew these tiny details about each other that nobody would have even guessed. It was really unfortunate that two people who knew each other so well, who trusted each other with everything, who loved each other beyond comprehension and expression, couldn't be together. The world really was a strange and absurd place.

And here is the end of this chapter. Thank you for sticking around. :)