Waves 18+

seventeen

I wasn't in the mood to talk to Lucy so I didn't ask about the call or next Friday, and I sure as hell wasn't about to talk about my mom. I lifted my eyes to see Lucy rubbing her head, I let out a breath and hugged my knees to my chest. "I know you're mad at me kitten."

"I'm no-"

"Kitten, don't lie to me. I know you're mad at me and I don't think you realize how much I hate myself for making you so uncomfortable."

"It's fine. You have to do what you have to."

"Dolly." She said sternly and I started to cry for some reason, I got up went straight to my old room slamming the door locking it. After a second I heard her knock. "Kitten." She said quietly and I didn't speak. "Open up." I put my hand over my mouth and silently sobbed. "I'm sorry Dolly please just let me in am sorry." She knocked again. "Dolly just let me know you're ok." I didn't speak. "I'm not above breaking this door down, just let me know you're ok."

"I'm fine," I said with a shaky voice.

"Kitten, please let me in. I'm sorry, I fucked up ok I'm sorry." I sat with my back to the door and I sobbed. Was it because of mom? Lucy being high? Luca being at his mother's? "D-"

"Just leave me alone!" I yelled before I could think. It went quiet. I went over to the bed and laid down, I closed my eyes tightly and continued to sob. My chest hurt and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

I opened my eyes and jumped seeing lucy sitting on the floor, she had red eyes from crying and she had two mugs laid next to her, she leaned forward and put one on the nightstand next to me. A peace offering. I looked at her and back to the cup, I took a sip of the tea and laid the mug back down. "Kitten- let me speak for a second please." I picked the mug up and took another sip of tea. "I'm sorry. I know that it seems stupid to you but I've done so many random drugs over the years and I've mixed so many things that anxiety meds don't work anymore. But I've never overused weed, I've always just used it when I... needed to actually calm down. Like I said I know you don't get i-"

"I wasn't mad at you," I mumbled. "Well I mean, I'd be lying if I said I didn't mind you doing weed but. Mom is remarried, she has like two or three new kids and grandkids and I wanted to tell you that but I was upset at you so I couldn't but then I thought about Luca. What if we adopt him, or anyone for that matter... they won't have any grandparents. My kids won't have a nan to spoil them on weekends and give them surgery pop that there not supposed to have. She'll be doing that with some strangers but not her own daughter's kids... it's not fair. They won't have any aunts or uncles to pick them up from school early and sneak off to a movie... they'll have us."

"Ki- Dolly." She got up and came over kneeling in front of me. "I think us is a pretty good deal to any kid. And as for taking them out of school to do fun stuff, we're going to be those moms. Our kid isn't going to be miserable, they will have all the love they could ever ask for. And more. So you don't need to worry, if I decided were going to Italy you bet your ass I'll let the kid miss a week of school to explore the world. I've learned more travelling than any stupid school taught me." It want quiet.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"It's ok." She looked at me. "Can I kiss you?" I nodded slowly, she leaned in and put her lips on mine lightly. I caved and wrapped my arms around her neck, she let out a breath as she hugged me. "I love you and I'm sorry."

"I love you too," I mumbled.