Serenade of Scars (Unedited)

Chapter 21

It had only been a month into my marriage and with all honesty; I didn't know that it would be this hard. Chloe was always breathing down my neck and I was trying everything to please her. Rape wasn't something that could be forgotten within months and I understood what she was going through, but she was pushing me away. She would want me around one minute and then she'll switch up and become cold.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience." – Romans 8:25

I had that scripture in my heart and every time Chloe would try to lash out at me, I keep reciting it in my mind. She would constantly lock herself up in a room and cry her eyes out. That hurt me, it really did because she was keeping me in the dark. I could only pray for her. Never in my life had I been tested like the way I was at the moment and it sucked. Her relationship with God had collapsed and that worried me a lot. My mother had told me that they would be coming soon. Part of me was scared because I had to face Chloe's father. Our lives had changed so much after they had left, rape, a child on the way and now, marriage. How would my mother deal with this?

There were a lot of things that were crossing my mind but I needed to leave everything to God. I just knew that marrying Chloe was the right thing, not because I pitied her but because I saw God's confirmation in our lives. She was the one. It didn't feel like it. So many questions yet God was the only one who could answer them.

· I was in the kitchen as always, preparing something for her for when she unlocks the door. It was something that became very normal and that was the problem. The problem was that I was normalising it, but I always prayed for her. God knew that I was trying my absolute best to take care of her. I tried talking to her; taking her to the hospital, call the church over to pray for and talk to her...I didn't know what else I could do. As her husband, I needed to watch over her even on the days when I was really exhausted. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. – Philippians 4:13

I had to juggle school, work and my wife. My feelings for her grew stronger by the day, even in her heartbreaking season. She had my heart and it felt amazing. Enough was enough, though, I couldn't do nothing and watch her bring harm to our baby. Little Noah was my bundle of joy, and whether I was the step-father or not, I loved him the same way that I loved the mother. The over flowing joy of expecting a child and not being able to tell my mother really hit home.

After a tiring day at work, I came back home to Chloe who had prepared dinner for me. She was still in the kitchen when I entered the house. "Hey," she said as continued washing the dishes.

She was acting so normal but my joyful Chloe wasn't back. No smile, just a straight face as I looked at her. I couldn't wait for the days when she would smile at me. As hungry as I was, I wanted to hug my wife. I couldn't remember a day that I held her in my arms. "How are you?" I asked, concerned.

"Tired," she answered, as she dried her hands and walked to the living room. "Your dinner is ready."

"Are you going to join me?" I asked.

"If you want me to," she responded.

I couldn't hold back anymore as I reached out for her arm. She didn't throw my hand off, she just looked at me. My heart was racing really fast as I kept asking God to keep her in the state that she was in. "I don't want you to, I want you to come and eat with me," I told her.

"Let me go get another plate then," she said as she went back to the kitchen.

I was talking to the sad, numb Chloe and not my bright wife. All that mattered to me was that she was recovering slowly and I loved to see it. I almost cried out to my God for his faithfulness and love towards my wife. I waited for Chloe to come back with her plate and she actually did. The one I got used to wouldn't come back. My hands were sweating, as I couldn't believe that it was my wife that was doing all these. I pulled out a chair for her as I joined her at the table. "How are you?" I asked again.