Serenade of Scars (Unedited)

Chapter 25

Jesse's POV

I was at work when I received a call that Chloe was rushed to the hospital. My heart dropped as I got my car keys to drive to the hospital. Chloe was only eight months in and with fear surrounding my thoughts I couldn't but think of possible scenarios. I tried blocking all the negative thought with scripture. I used Exodus 4:4, Psalm 46:10, Matthew 7:7 just to name a few as I prayed a silent prayer to God.

I didn't want to lose my wife or baby. As hard as it was to remain composed, I had to be strong for Chloe. When I got to the hospital, her father and my mother were already there. They gave me an update on her situation and it was critical. She was later moved to the ICU and I couldn't help but pace around. Our parents were praying in their own little corner while I tried listening to music to make me feel better but nothing was working.

According to my mother, she was watching TV when she heard Chloe screaming and calling out for help in her room. When she got to the room, she realized that her water broke, so she rushed her to the hospital where her condition soon worsened. Remaining positive under such pressure was difficult for me. Her father didn't even looked bothered, he treated it like it was a normal situation. For goodness sakes, I was going to be a father, a whole father! I wanted both of them to survive with all my heart.

"They are going to be okay," her father told me.

"Was this how you felt when you were expecting her? So nervous, scared and all?" I asked him, curious to know.

"I would be lying if I yes but no. I was also at work but when the hospital called me, Chloe was already born. It was the happiest day of my life," he revealed.

"I don't know why I just have a bad feeling about all of this," I admitted.

A nurse came out of the ICU and told us to walk in. I was the first one through the door when I saw Chloe holding a baby in her arms. My heart was pounding so hard I believe everyone in that room was hearing it. When I got close enough, Chloe was crying. "Unfortunately she had a still birth," the doctor informed us.

I went numb. Chloe handed me our baby and I was right, it was a BOY. My Noah. He was so tiny and so beautiful. I didn't want to believe that my son was gone. God no, please bring him back. Breathe air into his lungs like you did to the bones in the book of Jeremiah. I couldn't describe the pain that I was feeling. All I can say is that it was unbearable. It was as if my heart wanted to jump out from my ribcage and it hurt.

When I came back to reality, a nurse took the baby from my arms as they were rushing to Chloe's bed. "What's happening?" I was asking around. They told us to leave the room but resisted. "CHLOE!!" I shouted hoping to hear her voice again.

I managed to get through the nurses. I saw a shaking Chloe who couldn't respond to anything. The machines were beeping uncontrollably and I didn't want to go. "Chloe you can't leave me. You promised me that we're in this together. YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, CHLOE!!" I shouted as some men came to carry me out.

My mother rushed to my side when they closed the doors out on us. I sat on the floor, unable to move I couldn't process it. The whole situation was out of everyone's control. "Did you see Noah? Did you see my boy? Did you see how beautiful he looked?" I asked my mother, as the pain increased. "Chloe cannot leave me. She said for better or for worse, she cannot be selfish and leave me to handle this pain alone."

How I wish I could tell you exactly how I died inside. I wanted to rip my heart from my chest. From losing a child to losing a wife? Nothing was making sense. I was asking God why he would allow us to meet, to fall in love with her and just take her away like that? I was not understanding anything at all. My breathing became heavy as I got some energy to get up and just roam around like a mad man. Matthew 11:28 came to mind but I was angry, hurt, sad, I was in anguish. I even told God that I was willing to take the place of Chloe. Is this how Chloe felt when she was raped and later found out that she was pregnant for her rapist? I felt so horrible, so mad. How I prayed that it was all a dream. "Father you said that you know the plans that you have for me but I think you don't Father. IT HURTS!! You said that there won't be anything that we won't be able to handle Father but you lied. Father I cannot handle this, I cannot live another day with pain," I said as I looked towards the sky.