Moonage Daydream (Ciudad de Escalante #4)

Phase 40

Severine:

Respect my decision, Azariah. I don't want to talk about it, and I told you. You can do anything you want. Don't mind me like what you've been doing from the start. Please, I have many things to settle before we leave.

Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this in mind, it was meant to be
And I'm joining up the dots
with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me...

It was the last text message I received from my cousin. We haven't talked or even seeing each other until now since we had a conversation at the hospital. My cousins were also helping us, but it had no use.

Severine and I... were falling apart.

Aalis na sila sa susunod na Linggo at hindi ko alam kung kailan babalik. She doesn't want to fix whatever between us. Alam kong mahirap at hindi ganoon kadali pero hindi naman masamang sumubok na ayusin. Maybe this is the downside of choosing to be with Zachariel.

I lost my cousin.

I can't really hold two things at the same time.

I know you've never loved
the crinkles by your eyes when you smile
You've never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back
at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly

Nanatili akong tulala sa aking cellphone. My social media accounts have many notifications again, and most of them are hate comments and mentions from other people. Zachariel's and Severine's fans were outrageous at me too.

I won't let these little things
Slip out of my mouth
But if I do
It's you
Oh it's you
They add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

My eyes watered when I opened the Facebook and the first picture I saw is the old fat Azariah. It was bombarded by comments too. May mga luma ko ring videos ang pinagkakatuwaan sa mga pages at group. Dati balyena at baboy lang... hindi ko alam na mas masakit pala ang ahas.

I sighed and decided to deactivate all my accounts. Inuna ko ang Instagram, Facebook at sinunod ang Twitter. I deleted the applications too. Natira na lamang ang mga naka-install na lagi kong ginagamit noon.

You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason
that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations
are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me

I guess I need to go back to where I was in a place where I can find solace that I can find only in myself. They said it takes great courage to stand alone. I can be alone. I know I can surpass everything even if I'm alone. It's a good thing, right? But sometimes, I hate the greatness I have because I simply don't want to be alone.

I'm very used to it now so I'm scared. Nakakatakot na baka may dumating pang mga araw sa hinaharap na mas malala pa sa mga nangyayari ngayon. Nakakatakot na mag-isa na lamang ako pero ayos lang dahil kaya ko.

I know you've never loved
the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me