Solace Escape

Kabanata 5

Kabanata 5

"Sib, you have to realize what you did was wrong." My brother talked to me again while walking towards the airport.

Hindi ako umimik, sa halip ay mas inayos ko lang ang shades at humigpit ang hawak sa bag.

He heaved a deep sigh, "did you even say goodbye to Mom and Dad?"

"Why would I?" malamig kong sagot, mabigat ang dibdib pero gustong panindigan ang sarili.

"You know they were just worried of you, Sibyl."

"Nope," iling ko, "they are probably just worried what media would call me, damay na rin kayo roon kahit 'di mo sabihin, Kuya. You wanted to protect the family's image—"

"Those are kids, Sibyl." He sighed and held my arm. Napalingon ako sa ginawa niya at nakitang inalis niya ang shades at tinitigan ako gamit ang kanyang asul na mga mata. "What happened? Why are you like that?"

"Their parents are talking bad about me, Kuya." I exclaimed, "I was just teaching their kids and what? They are watching me from the other room and mocked me! Pagkatapos makuha sa foundation ay gano'n ang trato nila? How ungrateful?!"

He stared intently at me. I was used to him being funny and light but looking at how serious he is right now, I think I am looking at my father.

"Did you hear it, perhaps?" he asked.

"N-no." I shook my head, "but I knew they're talking about me. Nagbubulungan sila, Kuya! And what? They are looking at me like they were mocking me!"

"You didn't hear them talking, right?" seryoso niyang sabi. Hindi ako umimik at nanatiling nakatingin sa kanya, taas-noo pa at napailing-iling siya sa akin. Napaatras ako sa gulat nang abutin ni Kuya ang ulo ko, suminghap pa nang walang pagdadalawang-isip niya akong hinila palapit sa kanya para sa isang yakap.

"You can cry, Sib..." he whispered.

Natulala ako. I blinked back my tears, trying my best not to give in.

"W-why would I cry?" mahinang sabi ko, kumuyom ang kamay.

"Because you're always been keeping it inside your heart, Sib." He whispered. "I'm always keeping it cool but I've been observing you, you know."

"What?" I asked, "I'm not..." suminghap ako, "I was just mad at them for talking behind my back l-like that, Kuya."

"Is it because of what happened to me?" he suddenly asked, startling me.

Doon na ako nawala sa composure. I was just keeping my cool and relax but hearing it from him now made the memories come back. Pumikit ako ng mariin at marahas na napalunok.

"Like I told you before," he whispered. "It wasn't your fault."

"It is." Mariin kong sagot.

"No," he sighed, "Sibyl—"

"I said it is my fault!" I exclaimed, pushing him harshly away from me.

Kaagad kong nabakas ang lungkot sa kanyang mata kaya mabilis akong umiling.

"Stop telling me it isn't because it is." I said in finality, "and please, Kuya. Stop looking at me with pity. Dapat wala kang gano'n sa akin. I was the reason why you lost—"

"Stop torturing yourself, Sibyl!" he exclaimed, "oo, masakit na ganito pero kahit kailan! Kahit kailan hindi kita sinisi!"

"Then, blame me!" I spread my arms to show it to him, "blame me for it, Kuya!"

His jaw clenched and walked towards me, trying to calm me down.

"Sibyl—"

"I'm going." Malamig na sagot ko at bago pa man siya makapagsalita ay mabilis na akong tumalikod mula sa kanya.