Solace Escape

Kabanata 17

Kabanata 17

Judging someone without fully knowing who they are and what they've been through doesn't define them, it defines you.

Judgments without basis is one of the roots of misery. Curiosity is in human's nature already but the judgment with prejudice is living only in one's head. It's waiting either to get out or be tamed. So, who am I to judge another person if I don't want anyone doing that to me?

It's hypocrisy.

All my life, I got affected by the judgment people threw at me and my family and tried to act upon it. I tried to be better. Kapag hindi raw masyadong magaling, magpupuyat ako, walang pahinga para mag-ensayo at mapapalakpakan ako. If they say I'm getting out of shape, I'd starve myself that sometimes I'll faint just to please them.

Just so they won't stop looking up to me. So, the applauses won't stop. So, I'd shine more—even if broken—in their eyes until they're blinded.

Wyatt was right. I am seeking for the public's validation. I hate to admit but I loved the praises that now when they started turning their backs at me, I am fazed.

We really can't please everyone, can't we?

I've already admired Solomon but I admired him even more for respecting my request. I told him I'll think about it first and he accepted. It's been a week and we're inside one house but he didn't once evade my personal space or even asked for a follow up or something.

We'd seen each other everyday but all he did was smile at me, prepare some foods for me and make me my comfort iced coffee or shake. Anything with caffeine with it. Alam na alam niya kung paano kukunin ang gana ko pagdating sa pagkain.

Madalas siyang late nakakauwi dahil sa Agri week nila sa Sta. Monica University at siya ata ang nag-aasikaso. I didn't ask any further and like previous days, may pagkain na ako sa lamesa patapos niya akong katukin sa kwarto para sabihan.

He did his best to not see me in the table, he might be thinking I don't want to see him which is honestly, annoying. Madalas ko siyang nahuhuling nakatitig o magnanakaw ng tingin kapag nagsasalubong kami pero babati lang sabay alis kapag nahuhuli. Sa sobrang gusto niyang pagbigyan ako ng space at para hindi ma-pressure ay dumidistansya.

'Di ko tuloy alam kung maganda itong space na gusto ko para mag-isip o nakakairita kasi pinapaisip niya ako.

Sumimangot ako.

Si Liza ang madalas na kasama ko. Kulang na lang ata turuan ko na 'yong mag-ballet at madalas nanunuod kapag sumasayaw kami ni Fritz pero pagkatapos ng isang routine makikita naming tulog sa sofa habang katabi si Pookie na may damit na ngayon.

My very beautiful and amazing Ate Crest honored my request even if she isn't designing much anymore. She made me promise it'll be our mini secret and I agreed at ngayon may limang wardrobe na outfit na si Pookie.

Pero Liza told me she'll be busy at bukas na ang Agri week nila kaya wala siya ngayon. Wala rin sina Mama at Papa na tumawag kahapon, nasa New Zealand na raw sila ngayon para mag-dinner. Nag-world tour na nga ang mag-asawang late na gumala paikot sa bansa.

Pero sa bagay, they deserved it. One thing, anong silbi ng Sandejas Air kung hindi nakakalibre ng flight paikot ng buong mundo ang grandparents ko?

And now, the lonely Sibyl is alone again. I had practiced and already made routines for my audition and it was flawless. I loved how my body glided with music.

It's early morning and I'm out to help with daily chores. Wala naman akong ginagawa at nauubos ko na ang mga libro ni Mama Lena kaya may nahanap akong bagong hobby.