Solace Escape

Kabanata 30

This is Solace Escape's last chapter. Thank you so much for patiently waiting! This story will always have a special place in my heart. With them, I found freedom. I hope you do, too.

UNEDITED.

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Kabanata 30

Being a mother is a big responsibility, hindi ka lang basta magluluwal ng bata pagkatapos mong dalhin ng ilang buwan. It should never be taken lightly, dapat handa ka, hindi lang financially. Pati physically at mentally.

Kapag panganak, iisipin mo ang kapakanan nila. Ang pagpapalaki, ang pagpapakain, pagpapaaral. 'Di ko ata kaya...

If I really am pregnant... I would accept it but... not now, I'm still not ready. My dreams are just starting. Kapag buntis ako, paano na? 'Di ko alam kung kaya ko... wala pa ito sa utak ko. I don't even want to have kids in the future.

I remained staring at the blurry night posts at the side of the road while my husband's driving the car.

"Angel, coffee?" he offered.

Umiling ako, nanatiling nakatitig sa labas.

How will I even tell him? Hindi ko pa matanggap sa sarili ko tapos sasabihin ko sa asawa ko, natatakot ako. Anong gagawin namin?

I'm just starting to dance again. Nasa binggit pa lang ako sa pag-abot muli ng pangarap ko, may panibagong dumating na hindi mawala sa utak ko.

My head's aching. Natatakot akong magpatingin, miski ang mag-pregnancy test. Natatakot ako.

Hindi ko pa kaya... 'di pa ako handa...

I closed my eyes, stopping myself from crying.

"Foods, angel?" he asked again. I shook my head.

"Snacks?" he offered me again, "may niluto ako sa condo pero—"

"No, Sol," mahinang sagot ko. "I'm full."

He sighed. Hindi ko siya nilingon.

Alam kong nag-aalala na siya pero ayaw kong magsalita at baka mapagbuntunan ko siya ng sama ng loob at galit. Ayaw ko no'n. Ayaw kong madala na naman sa emosyon at mapagsalitaan siya.

The car stopped. Napamulat ako at nilingon siya. He removed his jacket and placed it on my arms.

"You don't have to," bulong ko pero umiling siya't unti-unting inilagay ang iilang hibla ng buhok sa likod ng tainga ko. He touched my face briefly and kissed me on the forehead.

I breathed audibly.

"You know you can always talk to me, right?" he asked. I nodded a little, my eyes hurting. "Alam mong nandito lang ako palagi para sa 'yo, hindi ba?"

I nodded again, waiting for him to ask but didn't. He smiled, squeezed my palm and kissed my lips again before starting the car to go back to our condo while staying here during my therapy.

To not think too much, I checked my phone and scrolled and as usual, may say na naman sa akin na nawala na naman sa limelight pagkatapos ng drama na ginawa ko no'ng nakaraan.

My forehead creased when upon scrolling, they highlighted I might be pregnant to an unknown personality. I gripped my phone tightly and flipped it back to not see the headline.

Pregnant... paano nga kung buntis ako...

My hand trembled a little. I tilted my head and did my best not to look at Sol, afraid he'll read my thoughts and worries.

When we reached the building, Sol held me closer to him and I stayed quiet. Dinama ko ang init niya, kumukuha ng lakas mula sa kanya kasi takot na takot ako.