Of Kings and Aces

52| Carry On

"I screwed up, didn't I?" I asked a tear-stricken Val. 

Her face was slack, her mouth agape, and her hair disheveled from all the tugging she was doing while I was telling her my story. Seb snorted and shook his head. For once, he was speechless.

It was lunch break, and we were in my office. As usual, she sat behind my desk while Seb and I lounged on my sofa. It has been two months since we left New York, since I last spoke to Jacob. I didn't reach out, and neither did he.

My parents did not fly to London for the holidays for fear I might disown them. Or maybe they actually had some sense knocked into them. Whatever the reason, I felt even worse. I felt like shit. Maybe I was guilty for shouting and cussing at them, for not wanting to thank my savior, or for telling them they did not understand. It was one or more of those reasons. Maybe it was all of the above.

"You're an imbecile, Ace," Seb sighed.

"What I would give for a man like that. I should have made him the father of my children when I had the chance. And then there you are, sitting comfortably in your bespoke sofa. You don't deserve that couch!" Val shouted as she pointed a finger at me.

"Hey, how did this become an issue about my furniture?" My eyes narrowed, confused at her outburst.

"You don't deserve something as beautiful!" she cried. "I mean it, Ace. I have never met someone as stupid as you."

"Oh, stop," I rolled my eyes. "You've obviously met Cara, right?"

"Oh, yeah, that girl," she immediately agreed. "Unbelievably stupid. But I meant a guy. Even Seb is smarter than you."

"Fuck you, Val. You're dumber than me," Seb chuckled.

"No, I'm not," she stuck her tongue out while he made an ugly face.

"Uh, how about your ex?" I said teasingly.

"Thanks. But that's not the point," she rolled her eyes. "Let me just ask you because I really, really do not understand what the hell was going on inside your thick skull. What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I guess I was still hurt. I was hoping for something, but apparently, there was nothing." I gave them a half-truth. They did not have to know about how badly I was suffering from anxiety this time around. And I did not want their pity on how the one person who meant so much to me was a major trigger for all this mental bullcrap.

The image of Jacob's face flashed, then there was that quick and painful stabbing sensation in my chest again. I was out of sorts for the past weeks following New York. I could not get my rhythm. My mind was adrift, and there was just not a good explanation why I could not finish the shit I had to.

"Oh. My. God," she groaned painfully and buried her face in her hands. Seb guffawed like a mad hyena. He was even slapping his thigh.

"What?" I was getting annoyed. Was I wrong?

Unable to control himself any longer, Seb grabbed both my shoulders and made me face him while he vigorously shook me.

"He went to New York for you, you idiot! He went back to London after your dramatic showdown at the warehouses, and he currently lives there. But he went to Manhattan especially for you. Not for Jaxx, not for Nick's pretentious bar, but for you. That guy flew to another continent for you!" By this time, it felt like I already incurred a whiplash injury.

Okay. I was wrong.

"He could have just replied to my emails. Could have saved him all the trouble." I was defensive and irrational, like a petulant child wanting to win an argument no matter how far-fetched the reasoning might be. They stared at me, aghast.