Of Kings and Aces

26| The Calm Before the Storm

Without telling Jaxx of my change in plan, I took the last bus to Pagudpud Thursday evening to be in Milieu by lunch the following day. My sanity was hanging by a thread so thin it would snap if a feather landed on the stockpile of emotions it was holding up. Hence, driving, even to the bus station, was out of the question.

I redirected all my calls to Jaxx's number and turned off my phone. I didn't want to be found.

The taxi ride from the bus stop to the resort was long but comfortable. The elderly driver woke me up once we were at the lobby entrance. I paid him a little more than we agreed upon, which made him shake my hand vigorously. That put a small smile on my face. At least one of us was genuinely happy.

The past week has taken a toll on me. No, let me correct myself. Thursday drove me to the edge and, of all the things muddling my head, the mayor's death and Carlo's alleged involvement troubled me the most.

It was clear from camera one that he was not the shooter. It was either the admiral or that other man with his back against the camera. There wasn't a struggle. There was just an exchange of hot words. The mayor was laughing at them one minute, angrily shouting and pointing then next, then bleeding to death the next. Carlo did what any rational person would do: he helped the mayor. There were still a few more minutes to the footage, but I stopped watching. I didn't know if I wanted to finish it. In fact, I didn't want to watch the other three anymore.

I needed a diversion strong enough to push those thoughts aside. Drinking was not a good solution because I might ramble and expose what I was supposed to be keeping a secret. Hard drugs were also not a smart choice. Plus, getting high on the beach by my lonesome wasn't really my thing.

Sex was a hard pass when all it did was remind me I was still fucking confused. When I knew I would not finish without thinking of how Jacob's strong hands felt around me. I didn't know if I could even start without thinking of his lips and the way his skin felt against mine. That left me completely distraught.

So, my only option left that was neutral enough to make me forget was the beach. But I needed to be alone. With other people around, I would not have time to think. I needed to think, but only after I have calmed myself down hence my escape to the north because everyone else would be in the south looking for me.

Finally, I could abandon everything and just be a fish.

The waves on this side of Ilocos were consistent but occasionally choppy, and meeting closeouts were common. That afternoon, I walked to the shore barefoot with a surfboard under my arm. The beach was empty, and only one trail of footprints marred the soft, white sand. The cool water crashing on my feet gave me immense release from my anxiety straightaway. The surf was perfect, the fetch wasn't far, and the waves were clean. It was like the ocean was cooperating, providing me with good conditions for my emotional catharsis through surfing.

I paddled out to sea to catch the first of many waves I would be riding for the next few days. The sun shone warmly, tickling and burning my skin. I embraced each beach break that let me ride smoothly until they broke. I welcomed every double-up wave, even the closeouts, and the wipeouts. For three hours, it was just the sun, the sea, the surfboard, and I.

The following morning, after coffee and a banana, I headed back to the beach and picked up where I left off, returning only because the tide was ebbing. A nagging voice in my head was shaming me for being an inconsiderate friend for disappearing without notice, but a bigger part of me convinced me it was okay, that they would understand. Besides, I did tell my parents where I was going in case somebody called them and told them I was missing.

The beach kiosk was near the board rental. Upon seeing the sandwiches and other food on display, my stomach grumbled. But as much as I would like to stay and eat, I needed to use the toilet, so I ordered my food for room service instead. That way, I can savor each bite leisurely without worrying about the other end of my intestines causing a scene.