Of Kings and Aces

56| Avalanche

Oh. My. Fucking. Hell. Why the hell is everyone related to everyone? Couldn't he be just some random dude off the net that he befriended?

"He's my mum's younger brother. So I'm guessing you never read my CV?" he quirked an eyebrow. I felt so small.

Son of a gun, Ace. I cursed myself.

Those piercing blue eyes. He intended for me to see them, that son of a bitch! I shut my eyes as I remembered the raging storm it held when he asked me about his beloved nephew. He knew about Jacob and his dilemma. He knew Jacob worked for us and resigned. But I'll be damned if he resigned because of me, specifically.

"He talked to me earlier, you know. I walked away; hence I'm home sooner than expected," I stated. My mind was still swimming with all the new information and the disordered emotions. "Told me you resigned because of me."

The sickly silence enveloped us once again. I waited for him to object, or laugh it off, or tell me that his uncle was just pulling my leg. But he did not. He remained quiet and stared off onto the muted television set that I did not notice was even turned on.

"So it's true then? I was the reason?" I finally had the strength to ask. I did not want it to be true, I wanted him to deny it, but so far, he hasn't.

"What exactly did I do to push you –"

"It was nothing that you did, Ace! God, until now, don't you still get it? Are you really that blind?" the frustration in his voice could no longer be masked as he combed his hands through his hair again, momentarily gripping at the roots. "For someone extremely clever, it's beyond me how you are a gormless git at the same time."

"Look, it might have taken me a while to come to understand what was going on, but Jacob, I really wanted you to stay." And there it was, the crack in my voice, the sting in my eyes.

"But I couldn't, Ace. Not when your safety was on the line, not when every day I was killing myself, wondering if what I did was enough for them to let you off the firing line.

"At first, I had the upper hand. They could not get to me because they had no idea how to make me submit. Carlo's weakness was Sheryl's past. Greggy was his psychiatric condition and drugs. They could not stage their grand plan unless they found a way to eliminate all of the witnesses.

"One slip. It took just one slip, and Brigs found out about you, and they knew they had already won. But it was a slow and painful death. They knew how to take advantage of their cards, and I had to win every fight they made me take because you were the collateral.

"You were so fucking oblivious. It hurt each time you accused me of cheating or selling you out when everything I did was to protect you. I laid my life on the line for you!

"All the bruises, the beatings. I took them all, even if I ended up limping to work or taking leaves. I endured them because I needed to keep you safe. But all the physical pain was nothing because I knew they would heal," he said.

"You should have told me," I begged quietly, tears burning in my eyes. The revelation was too much for my senses to take. It was too damn painful, too depressing, too fucking heartbreaking. Because he was doing it for a selfish asshole that didn't deserve it.

"What drained me was I had to distance myself from you. I had to pretend to be the bad guy, and I could see it in your eyes that you believed it. I mean, I wanted you to, but whenever I saw the anger, the loathing... when you threw those awful accusations at me without listening... I could not take it. It broke me to see the one person I cared for, the one person I loved stewing so much hatred for me."

I sucked a harsh breath, and my stupid heart skipped a beat.

Did I hear him right? Did he say ....?

"You don't know how fucking hard it was for me to pretend I couldn't care less and keep you at arm's length when all I wanted was to hold you. But after everything that happened, all I wanted was for you to be safe, even if I didn't get to be with you."

"Jacob," I called him, my voice coming out as a hoarse whisper. When I inhaled, my breath hitched as I suppressed a sob that threatened to come out of my throat. Tears blurred my vision, and they fell as I blinked.

How could he do those things and not tell me? I'm sure I would have understood! Then maybe he didn't have to go through all the horrible torture. He did not have to face it alone!

"Because the one chance I had, I ruined for a God-damned game of poker," he chuckled humorlessly as he wiped a rogue tear on his cheek.

I could hold myself back any longer. This man did not know what he was talking about. He still has me. He has all of me. From the moment his eyes met mine in that precinct, I was already his. I may have been too confused and excessively stubborn to admit, but I did not stand a chance against him. When my brain told me to hate him, my stupid heart never listened. I was just too damn proud to admit it.

But the moment I wrapped my arms around him, he shoved me so hard I landed on the floor in front of him. His reaction startled me. The look of horror he had on his face crushed me.

"Fuck, Ace! I'm so sorry! I – I didn't mean to," he stammered. There was a struggle within him, of wanting to help me and stopping himself from doing it. But I could not understand why! Not a minute ago, he just confessed to wanting me, but now he could not even dare to touch me? What the actual hell?

"I... I can't, Ace," he shut his eyes and covered his face as he slumped back in the chair.

"What do you mean you can't? What's wrong, Jake?" I asked. I had no idea what was going on with him, but I wanted to understand! I kneeled in front of him. He flinched when he felt my hands on his wrists, even when there was barely any weight.

But he pulled his wrists, took my hands, and gently pushed them back to me. I was surprised to feel his hands clammy and shaky.

"Jacob," I said. But when I looked up from his hands, his eyes were shut tightly as he fought to control his breathing. The tracks of his tears were visible on his cheeks and eyelashes as he puffed repeatedly.

But his hands on my wrist stiffened. He was struggling. Fresh tears escaped through his lashes. Then it all made sense. He was having an attack. How the hell did I miss it?

"Jacob, listen to me. Breathe, man. Count with me," I ordered. I kept my voice as calm and cool as possible. I composed myself and tried to settle him down the way my father always did when I had a bout.

"I can't, Ace. I'm sorry, I can't," he swiftly stood up and almost stumbled as he made his way around the furniture. He planted on hand on the desk to steady himself as he took deep, shaky breaths. His eyes were shut all the while.

"Why won't you let me help you?" I begged, frustrated that the minute I showed him that I cared, he recoiled out and pushed me aside, literally. That stung, but it was not about me. So I bit my tongue and swallowed my pointlessness.

"You can't help me, Ace. So just stay there, please," he said firmly, panic thick in his voice and fear welling in his eyes. His strong hands that he held out to stop me were trembling. He was falling apart in front of me, crashing down like an avalanche. And all I could do was stand and watch.

I know I looked like a fucking pussy with the traitorous tears slowly but surely leaking their way out of the corners of my eyes as I desperately wiped them away.

"You can't help me when the trigger is you."

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Song inspo: Avalanche by Flyleaf