Of Kings and Aces

55| Colorblind

"Ace, I didn't expect you to be home so soon," Jaxx remained calmly seated, but the nervousness in his wide eyes gave him away. My eyes darted from gray to blue to gray, but I did not speak. I was too stunned to.

"If you'd have texted me as I requested..." Jaxx gingerly stood up, afraid I might throw a tantrum or have another attack.

That's right, why was I not having another attack?

The mere mention of his name or the recollection of his eyes sends my system into haywire but, aside from a wildly racing heart, there was no heaviness on my chest. My airways were not tightening. My breathing was unobstructed, and my mind was amazingly clear as a cloudless sunny day.

Turbulent blue.

There was evident fear in his eyes, and I felt the strong urge to relieve them of it.

I could see the dire need in them, but it was overcome by reluctance.

Hurt. Sadness. Dejection.

Resignation. Why was he not fighting them?

All my petty feelings and fears were thrown to the backburner. My earlier reaction to Fedor's questions was instantly forgotten. Nothing else that mattered at that moment but the broken man seated by the window and how I wanted to take all the pain, fear, and hesitation away.

"Could you give us a minute?" I asked Jaxx when I finally found my voice, not taking my eyes of the other man whose elbows were on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Jake? You gonna be okay?" he looked at the man to his right, who just nodded in reply. He gradually moved from his spot and stopped beside me.

"I don't know if you're ready for this but please, listen to the guy before you make any hasty decisions," he said quietly. "Listen to him."

It was one of the few times Jaxx actually begged me to listen. His tone was morose, his eyes sad. I could feel his protectiveness for Jacob.

Jacob lifted his head a few moments after the door clicked. That was when I saw him properly for the first time.

His blue eyes were stormy, but more than that, they were dull and dark as if all the sadness in the world resided in them and swallowed the brightness and the life that was once there.

A different ache surged in my chest. But it wasn't only I who was feeling it. In fact, what I felt was probably just a ripple from what Jacob was enduring.

"Jacob, I –" I took a few steps but halted when he raised his hand. An invisible wall immediately blocked my path and any connection I wanted to have with him.

"C-could you please just – just stay where you are," he said shakily, his eyes pleading. His words hurt like a battering ram charged straight to my heart– quick, heavy, and devastating. I took a few deep breaths to compose myself again.

"Jacob."

"Just let me get through this, please," he said mostly to himself, but I was able to hear it because it was deathly silent in the room. He buried his face into his hands once again, and I noticed he was taking deep breaths.

What was he doing? Was he also--?

"Okay, Ace. What do you want?" he snapped his eyes to me. His shoulders sagged, and his voice was acquiescent.

What did I want? Why did I want to be alone with him in the first place?

"I, uh. I was wondering how you were," I said stupidly. I wanted to kick myself as soon as the words left my awful mouth.