A Beginners Guide To Falling In Love

06

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Music
Never gonna change~Broods
My fault~Imagine Dragons
Hold back the river~James Bay
You're Not The One~Sky Ferreira
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I hate alcohol, I used to think drinking would make you look all grown up and dumb stuff like that. But the taste and the burning sensation you feel as it passes down your throat. I guess there is one positive to drinking, and that's that it numbs you on the inside and makes you relaxed, and confident.

"Do want another?" James asks holding out a drink to me.

"Yeah, sure." I say even though I didn't, but I didn't want to look rude.

"You know Brad seems to be acting strange." He tells me.

"Why's that?" I ask taking advantage of the fact that James is not sober at the moment.

"We'll ever since you got here, it's like he's become more distant, do you spend a lot of time together?" He asks frowning.

"Well, not really. We do live next door to each other, and our families seem to get along together." I tell him going off topic. "What I mean is, when I do talk to him, I'm with his family and my family."

"I feel like he's keeping something from me." He replies.

"I didn't think you liked Brad?" I ask confused.

"I do, it's just." He trails off as Brad walks over to us.

"Hannah, want to dance with me?" Brad asks taking my hand.

"Well, I'm sort of talking to James at the moment." I say.

"But you've been talking to him ever since you got here." Brad argues.

"I guess, fine." I say. "I'll be back in a minute James."

I walk off with Brad over to where everyone seems to be dancing, if that's what you call it. Well, it's probably more of that slow dance thing where you hold someone exceptionally close to you. I feel a wave of anxiety sweep over me as we get nearer, but it all washes away as Brad places his hands on my hips, and put my arms around the back of his neck.

"What's up with you and James?" Brad asks.

"Nothing just talking really," I say.

"I could tell." He replies bitterly.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm fine, don't worry." He says calmer. "How are you finding tonight?"

"Yeah, it's alright." I tell him.

"Really, only alright?" He asks grinning.

"Well, I've only just got here." I laugh lightly.

"Okay, well we're staying anyway, it usually gets better toward the end." He tells me.

"Okay, I'll take your word for it since I'm going to be stuck here." I laugh again.

"You'll be fine, just stay with me, then it will be fun." He grins laughing along.

"That sounded strange and quite perverted." I start to laugh even more leaning forward into him.

"It can be if you want it to be." He cheekily adds still grinning.

"I'll pass." I say still laughing and leaning back from Brad.

I can know feel the effects of the alcohol starting to work, just feeling at ease and confident all of a sudden.

"Let's get another drink." I suggest, enjoying this feeling, I haven't felt like this in the past three months, so I'm taking advantage of it.

"Okay," Brad replies as I drag him over to the bar.

We have what Brad suggests, shots. I've never had one before, but now I wish I hadn't. Once I've had my first one it strikes me and my throat burns for a few seconds, then I find myself having another one. I stop after my third, with Brad and we go back to where we were before, closer than last time, but I don't think he notices.

It's so strange, because I would've imagined that this would've felt awkward, but it doesn't. I guess it frustrates me and relieves me in a way as well.

"You okay?" Brad asks.

"Yeah, great." I reply.

The it hits me in the head like a baseball bat. What if he spiked me? I feel dead cold and my heart beats frantically. I'm terrified. This is what you get for being so careless. But what if he hasn't? Brad looks at me strangely and I've realised that I've froze.

"You don't seem so great." He says looking worried.

"No, I'm fine." I lie and slowly step back from him. "I just remembered something." I suddenly feel as if I've instantly sobered up from my mini panic attack.

"Hannah, come back." Brad moves up next to me. "Have I done something?" He still has a worried expression plastered across his face.

"You haven't done anything." I say trying to smile.

"Don't be like this." He moves closer to me and I lose myself in the moment in which he pulls me into a soothing embrace.

He slowly pulls back staying close and brings his face closer to mine.

My subconscious screams at me in the moment in which his lips become deadly close to mine. He's dangerous my insides yell at me.

Just as he almost kissed me I step back away from what could've just happened, and I instantly regret it. I look at his face and see the expression marked on his face. His face says so much, and in that moment I want to kiss him and tell him I'm sorry and that I didn't mean it, that I was confused. But I can't.

I can't even compare what I feel to what he feels, even though I feel like a voodoo doll right now, that's just being tampered with. I sometimes wish that someone else was responsible for all the stupid things I have done in my life, but it's me. All me.

"Brad." I mumble moving back forward.

"No, don't feel sorry for me, that was a bad move." He sighs, face still fallen. He then walks away back to all his friends.

They all give me a look, and if looks could kill. I would be dead already.

"Hannah, are you okay?" James asks.

"I'm fine, I think I'm gong to leave now." I say and battle my tears.

"Do you want me to walk with you?" He asks.

"No, I sort of just want to be alone right now." I say and walk towards the exit.

"No, I'm coming, it's too dangerous. It's nearly midnight." James catches up to me.