A Beginners Guide To Falling In Love

21

Music
1.Hole in my heart - Luke friend
2.Stolen moments - The vamps
3.Know the way - Grimes
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My eyes slowly opened and I found myself in Chloe's house and the room I cheated on Brad with, did I cheat on him? Either way I still hated myself for what I did. Thoughts of brads reaction come creeping back into my head, but then so does the part when he defended me. I'd do anything for Brad to forgive me, but I know he won't, because I wouldn't forgive him if I caught him about to have sex with my best friend. I roll over in search of a clock in this dark room, I find one on the side table and it reads 4:38 am. Happy birthday to me. I don't think I could've asked for a worse birthday. Even though the doors shut light creeps in from underneath it, I get up slowly and find myself now dressed in a pair of sweats and a vest top. I hope it was Chloe who changed me into this.

I open the door and wait for my eyes to adjust to the bright lights in the hallway, I make my way to the staircase and walk downstairs in search of the kitchen so I can get a drink, and an ice pack for my now throbbing cheek. My head starts to spin again and I grab onto a wall for support.

"Hannah what are you doing down here?" Chloe appears from God knows where.

"My head hurts and I need a drink." I tell her.

"Well you shouldn't be down here, you're supposed to stay in bed." She replies.

"But I don't want to stay in that room." I say quietly.

"You can't, my parents locked up all the other spare rooms and their room." She begins. "And maybe if you hadn't of done that you wouldn't have ended up like this."

"I was about to tell James to stop before Brad came, I couldn't control his actions and you know that. But we both know there was no way I could've avoided the encounter with Sean." I reply still clinging onto the wall. "What was Brad doing up there anyway?"

"He came to apologise to you, and I told him where you were, as I saw you go upstairs with James. So the real question here is, what were you doing in a room with James?" She asks.

"I was supposed to be trying to calm down, he said I should talk about everything that was happening." I tell her and everything starts to darken, but I blink it away.

"Why don't we have this conversation later, you need to get back to bed, I'll bring you some water." She says.

"Okay, but where did everyone go after I erm." I trail off.

"Home, Sean sort of killed the mood, Brad and James insisted on staying here until you woke up, but I sent them home, as they started arguing." She tells me. "Now go back to bed," she instructs.

I nod and head back upstairs trying not to reflect on the evenings events, and instead wonder why Brad would even wait for me to wake up, and what him and James were arguing over. I'm still waiting for myself to wake from this nightmare, and for everything to be perfect.

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The day after a tragedy is the worst, why was everything against me? I should've just said yes to Sean, moved back to London and ran away from everything, but even then I wouldn't be happy. But I'd be happier than I am now. I got up out of the bed throwing my hands to my face, from being so frustrated. Why did James kiss me, and why is it the one time I fuck up I'm caught out? Everything was building on me, and all I wanted to do was scream, shout, cry and just lay down letting the numbness take over.

Just when it became too much I let my body collapse onto the ground and all the emotions flow out of me. I don't have much experience in this area of relationships, or with how to deal with things. It had become to such a stage in my life where I don't even know what to do, it was as if I'd been thrown into a large woods at night and had to find the way out, when I didn't even know where I was, how I even got there, and what would happen afterwards.

I drag myself downstairs thinking of Brad, as usual. There was no sign of anyone and as soon as I reached the bottom of the staircase I had flashbacks of Sean punching me, my cheek still throbbing, but let's be honest, I deserved that. I carried on past the hall that was trashed and the rest of the house that was covered in dark shoe prints and empty plastic cups.

"You feeling better?" Chloe asks from above me and I nod in response.

"I think I might just go home." I say.

"Fine, just let me give you a jumper and I'll drive you back." She tells me.

"I'd rather walk." I reply shaking my head.

"I understand that you want to be alone, but you don't know the way so I'm driving you." She replies coming down and handing me a jumper.

I slip it on over my head and follow her out to her car. She starts it up as I climb in.

I hate the fact that even my friend doesn't like me that much, because that shows how bad of a thing I've done. So we sit in silence until she reaches my hand and waves bye, which I return weakly before walking inside what I wish wasn't my home.

I feel as if I'm so far away from Brad, but that's definitely not the case as he's my next door neighbour and our parents talk on a regular basis, just like they are now.

I throw my bag to the floor and kick my shoes off and am met with his parents and my parents all having a coffee morning in my kitchen. They always pick the wrong time, but at least he's not here, but at the same time I wish he was.

"Hi, how was your party last night?" My mum asks beckoning me to go in the kitchen, which I do and instantly regret.

"Yeah it was good, I'm just really tired." I lie fake yawning.

It's then I realise that it's not just his parents it's his sister as well, who looks at me as if she's ready to pull out a knife from the kitchen and stab my a thousand times. But, what else should I expect? Obviously Brad's parents have no idea as they smile at me.

"Brad was really tired as well, he's been locked up in his room asleep all night and all morning!" His mum replies while taking a sip from her coffee.

"I think I might go get some more sleep," I say and then turn to leave, whilst getting a million byes and hope to see you again's. If only they knew.