A Beginners Guide To Falling In Love

24

Music
Genesis - Grimes
Fallingforyou - The 1975
Coming home - The vamps

I let James drag me out the hall away from everyone who I used to call my friends, I'm suddenly beginning to miss London again. Sean seemed easier than Brad, but he was only ever in it for one thing and I always gave it to him. But I don't know what Brad wants, apart from a girlfriend that's loyal and kind.

James stops us when we reach the school gates, and he turns to stand in front of me.

"I'm going, are you coming?" He asks hopefully.

"Yes," I reply without even thinking.

I know I shouldn't do this, but the voice that always tells me what's right and wrong can't even be heard. I can't really describe how I feel, because I just feel empty and numb, but their not even feelings, so I'm just some mess that doesn't make sense.

"Where should we go?" James asks once we've left the school and are now walking down the road that leads to my house.

"I'm going home." I reply bluntly.

"Why don't we do something, we need to talk anyway." He suggests.

"I'd really like to go home." I say.

"You can't sit around and wait for Brad to come back to you, it won't happen, not this time anyway." He tells me.

"At least let me move on," I reply and continue walking down the street.

He didn't follow me and after a few minutes of speed walking I find myself turning into my road and nearing home. As I get closer I see a figure standing outside Brad's house, but it's not him, it's Natalie. I carry on walking and keep my head down trying to ignore her.

"Hey," she shouts as soon as I turn into my driveway.

Great, confrontation something I love.

"Yeah?" I reply and stop walking.

"What the fuck did you do to Brad?" She asks raising her voice and stepping closer to me.

"Ask him." I say and turn away heading for the door, but she grabs my arm stopping me.

"I have, that's why I'm asking you." She hisses.

"I don't want to talk about it," I reply pulling my arm out of her grasp.

"Well you're going to, come on." She demands and begins to lead me to her house, but I don't follow and instead head for my house. "I wouldn't if I were you." She warns and I suddenly find myself stepping into her house.

I follow her through to the living room where she makes me sit and hands me a glass of water, and I notice how my hands are shaking. She then puts her glass down and sits in the sofa on the other side of the room.

"So tell me everything that happened the other night at the party, because I know that's when shit went down between you and him." She says.

I don't know why, but I instantly find myself opening up to her and telling her the whole story of what happened at the party and then I reached the main part between me, Brad and James.

"Then James lent in and kissed me, I didn't kiss him he kissed me, and I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't stop him because I was so shocked. Before I knew it he was pushing me back against the bed and I went to stop him, but Brad beat me by a second. I didn't feel anything with James and I never have done, I've only ever liked Brad and I lost him." I mumble the last part to myself.

"Thats it, you didn't fuck, just kissed?" She asks and I nod. "Okay, so James kissed you, but you didn't feel anything and you tried to stop him, but Brad got to you before?"

"Yeah," I reply and my hands are shaking even more now.

"I forgive you," she says and comes over to take the glass from my hands before water spills from it because of how badly I'm shaking.

"He won't though," I say and Natalie then sits beside me.

"First off you need a hug, you've had no support whatsoever, and secondly I'll talk to Brad, but I can't promise he'll be back with you straight away." She tells me wrapping her arms around me.

"Thank you." I exhale feeling relieved.

"That's okay, while we're all emotional and shit I want to apologise for our bad start, because when I first met you I was a bitch to you, so I hope we're okay?" She asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "Why were you waiting outside earlier?"

"Someone was supposed to pick me up to go to a party, but I've obviously bailed now." She says. "Anyway, Brad will be back soon so you might want to leave, things between me and him won't be pretty."

"Right, well bye and thank you." I get up and make my way to the door.

Just as I reach the door it opens and he walks in. As soon as he see's me he stops dead in his tracks and at first he looks surprised, but it's quickly replaced with anger.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts.

"Erm, I-" I begin but Natalie cuts me off.

"Don't worry about her, we need to talk right now." She raises her voice and walks round and pulls Brad into the living room.

I then quickly leave and close the door behind me. I hope Natalie fixes everything that's happened, but I don't know who's side she's on, because she hated me at first, but I think she likes me now. Whether that will last I don't know.

I open my front door and my parents aren't home yet, and probably won't be until seven when they finish work. Which means I now have to sit around and reflect on everything that's happened and have even more regrets than I already do.