Love's Debt (R18)

Kabanata XXII

"There are times when you have no choice
but to accept what's happening in your life."

I BIT my lower lip as I tried to calm myself. I am sitting at the cafe while waiting for Tim. I sent him a message and told him that I wanted to talk with him in person.

Van Angelo is with me. He's waiting at the car. He chose not to be here with me inside the cafe para daw maa maging komportable ako sa pakikipag-usap kay Tim. But he assured me that he's watching from outside. Nasa may tapat lang nitong cafe ang car niya.

Kumabog ang dibdib ko nang tumunog ang chime ng cafe. Nag-angat ako ng tingin and I saw Tim walking towards me.

"Sunshine..."

Umupo siya sa tapat ko.

I took a deep breath and looked at his eyes. "W-Why..."

Iyon agad ang unang salitang inilabas ng bibig ko. Sinubukan kong hindi kabahan but I can't help it. It's too hard to pretend that I am strongly facing him.

"Sunshine, it's not what you think." Aniya.

His eyes are swollen. Para bang galing sa pag-iyak. May eyebags rin siya at kapansin pansin ang pangingitim ng ilalim ng mga mata niya.

Is he struggling like me? Pero ako 'yong ginago at hindi siya.

"How, and when..." I asked.

Ayoko nang magpaligoy ligoy pa. I just wanted to know everything para wala nang gumulo pa sa isip ko. So I can move on from him.

"Joana is my.... wife. We are together for six years... we are married."

Halos mabingi ako sa sinabi niyang iyon. Nagpantig ang tenga ko sa six years na sinabi niya. We were together for four years. Wow. Pilit kong tinatagan ang sarili ko. I am ready for this.

Narito akk hindi para tanggapin ang kagaguhang ginawa niya sa akin kundi para alamin lahat lahat at tanggapin iyon.

"I admit, mahal ko si Joana..."

I shot him a death glare. "We are together for four years, Tim. And you are saying that you love her for fucking six years until now... I mean... fuck you but where was I?!"

"Sunshine hindi ko maipaliwang pero minahal kita. You mean so much to me. Isa ka sa pinaka importanteng tao sa buhay ko."

"Then you're an asshole. How can you love two people at the same time? Dalawa ba ang puso mo? Napaka gago mo, Timothy. Dati akala ko napaka-swerte ko kasi you're almost perfect. You were an ideal guy. Hindi ko minsan naisip na ganyan ka pala. All this time, nagpanggap ka lang. Hindi ko nga alam kung lahat ng ipinakita mo sakin, palabas lang!"

"Believe me or not, minahal talaga kita, Sunny. I wanted to protect you, I wanted to be with you everyday, I wanted to make you happy, I wanted to support you to the things you wanted to do. And that's because I love you. Ginawa ko lahat ng iyon, nanatili ako sa 'yo kasi iyon ang nararamdaman ko. My feelings are real."

Kung noon ang sarap pakinggan ang mga salitang iyon galing sa kanya, ngayon ay para na akong nandidiri.

"Hindi ka na naawa sa anak mo, Tim. That woman... hindi ka na naawa sa kanila. You have your own family but you you still want to make a family with me? Seriously, Tim, anong klaseng tao ka??"

"Sunny..."

Mabuti na lamang at ni-rent ni Van ang buong cafe for five hours so we can talk freely. I can shout, I can ease my anger, I can question him without thinking of other people. Ayoko rin namang makipag-usap sa kaniya sa private place.  Pakiramdam ko ay masu-suffocate ako kapag nakasama ko pa siya sa condo ko nang kaming dalawa lang.