The consequences of a collision ( Girlxgirl Teacherxstudent )

13

When I wake up the next morning, am I still lyingy the same as how I fell asleep. Kate is still asleep. I gently stroke her bare arm. I don't want me to wake her up. I lie down so I can get a better look at her. I feel very happy right now. “What are you doing to me? You are all I want, but”. I whisper to her, but don't go any further. "Good morning". I'm scared she woke up. I quickly remove my hand. "I'm sorry. Slept good?". I don't want her to feel uncomfortable. “Yes, I slept well. And you?". Luckily she pretends nothing is wrong. "Yes, me too". We lie in silence for a while.

I’m lying on my back staring at the ceiling. To figure out how to control myself in the future. "Oh Beth". I hear Kate say. "Yes Katja what is it?". “You can continue with it. I like it.” Apparently she noticed what I was doing after all. "What do you mean?". I ask as innocently as possible. "You know what I mean". I hear the smile in her voice. I'm still trying to convince myself not to, but that's an impossible task. So I turn around and continue with what I was doing. All I do is enjoy the moment. When I gently caress her hand for a while, I feel her place her fingers between mine. She holds my hand and pulls me close to her.

I've already seen the time, but decide not to say anything just yet. I don't want to let her go, but I have to. I'm going to wait a little longer to let her go. Then I give her a kiss on her shoulder. It's kind of a goodbye kiss. This really shouldn't happen again. "Didn't you have to help with breakfast this morning?" She's almost late now because of me. She jumps out of bed and gets dressed quickly. "Kate, please wait a minute." I can stop her before she walks out of the room. I walk up to her and hold her hands tight. "Sorry, but we can’t do this anymore." I have tears in my eyes. "What do you mean?". Kate looks at me concerned. "This. We". She shakes her head. “We're not doing anything wrong. Yes we are closer than we should be, but we can be friends”. I look her in the eye and let out a deep sigh. "Yeah, but I can't." I can see she understands me. “What do you want me to do? Should I ask if I can sleep somewhere else?” I shake my head. “No, they will ask questions about that. I'll look for a solution. I'm sorry but I need distance." Kate leaves the room and as soon as I am alone I let my tears run free. I really need distance from her, what I really don't want to.

In the days that follow I avoid her. I have to find a way to forget her. Or at least I need to see her again as an student and not as the girl I'm madly in love with. This can and should never become a thing. I also make sure we don't see each other awake in the room. In the evenings I stay in the bar with my colleagues. When I get to the room, Kate is already asleep. I go into bed and watch her sleep for a while. I let it all out, by speaking softly to her. Luckily she didn't wake up once. In the morning I make sure I get out on time. Before Kate wakes up. I take a walk to clear my head and recharge for the day.

Tomorrow we go home again, so I just have to survive this day. Unfortunately, Joe knows it's my birthday and so, like the other colleagues, he congratulates me. “Today we have a birthday girl in our midst. None other than Miss. Smith. Three cheers for Miss Smith”. Joe also keeps the students informed. I have a hard time pretending I like it. I don't like being reminded of my birthday. Some students come to congratulate me. I hope Kate doesn't come too. I don't know what to do with her at the moment. I can see from her face and attitude that she is also having a hard time. I feel so guilty. What have I done to her?

It's time to get on the bus to London. We're going to spend the day there. Be aware not to get on the same bus as Kate. I can't be near her. When I see her I feel my tears burning. I must avoid that at all costs. Burst into tears where anyone can see it. It's hard to explain that I'm in love with a student and I can't get her out of my mind. No matter how hard I try. I will not go into the city off London. I decide to stay on the bus. I try to catch up on some sleep from the past few nights. And if there is something with a student then they know where to find me.