Stuck in Between / BlindChannel

Extra: One advice

A/N: Besties.. I know you wanna know what is going on with our lovely Little man, so here it goes... Hope you like it! I should be literally writing essays for school but ohwell... :D

Enjoy!

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Aleksi'sPoV

I woke up to my alarm at 08:30AM and hit my head against the pillow again. It was my day off but I had forgotten to turn the alarm off last night. Not the first time tho. I slowly pushed myself up from the bed and dragged myself into the shower. The water run down my body and I leaned against the cold wall behind me. Million thoughts run in my mind and most of them I tried so hard to let go with the running water. But it did not work. Every time I closed my eyes, I could still see her here with me. Our bodies colliding together and feel the warmth of another human being close to me.

"Fuck"I sighed and turned of the water but I remained against the wall. I knew I should let this shit go but it was harder than I thought. It didn't matter that it lasted only three weeks or so, but I fucking loved her. I had loved her for so long already before I finally had my chance with her. And it got ruined because she was not being able to let go of Joel. On some level I understood it, everything that they had in the past and how it affected everything, but I wish I had known. I would have been more cautious then. But no. They decided to hide it from me. Yet I could understand that too, I was the newest. Things happened before I joined them and guess talking about miscarriage is not the easiest thing for a woman, but.. Fuck I don't even know what to do or think anymore. The way I found it out hurt the most and the scar was deep.

"Hi, little man. Come in" Joonas opened the door and I stepped in. I gave him the six pack I had with me and took off my shoes.

"So, what up?" Joonas sat on the sofa and threw me one bottle of beer. I managed to catch it just before it would hit the floor.

"I don't even know man..." I sighed and took the bottle opener from the table. Joonas raised his eyebrow and placed his bottle on the table.

"You look like you need a therapy session with dr. Porko" he than said and moved his ass to the armchair next to the sofa, leaving me all the space here. Guess he was right. Maybe I needed to talk with someone about the situation and that someone might as well be Joonas, the well known therapist among the band. He knew what was going on and he knew all the parties as well. My thoughts were already getting unhealthy and I really should get over this sitaution somehow.

"Well...They apologized. About everything" I sighed and took a sip from the beer.

"Ro and Jo?"

I nodded. I supported the bottle against my knee and looked out from the window. Still raining. The weather had been so shitty lately,just like my mood.

"I have an inner conflict... One side of me wants to understand them, like all what they had and how it keeps getting them back together but.. The other side just wants to fucking walk away from everything.. " I mumbled and lift the bottle close to my lips.

"Just get the fuck out of here for good.. But then there is the whole band and I can't just leave you guys because of some chick I happened to fall for.. " I took a sip and placed the bottle back against my knee.
"I don't know what to do..." I sighed and looked Joonas who was supporting his head with his left hand that was supported against the armrest.

He took a deep sigh and I knew that there was gonna be a long monologue coming out from his mouth now.

"Listen, Aleksi... How things ended up was pretty ugly... And I know that it hurt you like hell and I am not trying to defend Ro, or Joel. I know them since forever and I don't want this to sound like it is gonna sound so don't take me wrong when I say that there really has never been any other way for them. With that I mean.. The connection they have, it is something that me, you, Niko, Tommi, Olli or whoever else will never understand. It is like a freaking out of world astrophysics and the history has shown that no matter how hard they try to move on, they pull each others back like magnets. Only thing I can be sure about were her feelings for you. She really loved you, Aleksi. Or loves. I don't know in which tense I should put it but.. She never meant to hurt you that way. Neither did Joel. She really saw a new beginning with you" Joonas spoke and I tried to progress what he said. The beer bottle was switching places in my hands and my right knee started to tremble a bit. I don't know why.