Stuck in Between / BlindChannel

Extra: But you're not fa-

I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or something smelt absolutely horrible in the fridge.

"Jesus fucking... "I almost threw up as I took out a some food container and realized that it had quite a life inside already.

"Fucking hell when did I forget that in there...?" I asked from myself andt hrew the whole container away. Just as I had done that I run to the bathroom and indeed threw up. And I repeated that few more times before I felt that there was nothing coming out anymore. Then it hit me.

"Could it be...?" I whispered and quickly ran out from the bathroom and grabbed my phone from the kitchen table. I went to my calendar and looked at it. A small smile was formed on my lips but I tried not to get too excited yet. I knew I was late on my periods a bit but I hadn't realized that the bit was actually two weeks already. There had been so much going past two month, the birthday party and some gigs and million other thing to do, that I thought that I was stressed and that caused the delay. And the weird feeling in the mornings was also getting more frequent. I kind of wanted to call Joel right away but at the same time I wanted to be hundred percent sure that it was what I thought it was. So I called to my doctor foran appointment and managed to get it for tomorrow.

Later that day I met Miryam at some café. She was looking happier than ever and I was so happy for her and Niko. And I really needed to tell someone about my latest discovery.

"Hi babe!" I hugged her as she walked in.

"Hi you too!" we went to order the coffees and took some cakes as well. The waitress told us that she'd bring them to the table so we made our way to one by the window.

"So what's up? You sounded so mysterious on the phone" Miryam smiled and put her jacket on the backrest of the chair. I felt like I had ants in the pants, I just couldn't stay still.

"Yousee.. I.. I might be.. pregnant.. " I said with wide smile on my lips. I mean, I was hoping so, at least. The symptoms were similar to the previous pregnancy and I wanted it so much that I'd literally do anything to have a baby with Joel. Miryam's big eyes got even biggerand she leaned closer to me.

"Are you serious? Oh my god! That is so cool!"

"I mean I'm not sure yet, but it all kinda points to that direction.. I am going to doctor tomorrow to do the tests" I smiled and thanked the waitress for the coffees.

"Does Joel know?"
I shook my head while sipping the coffee. I just hope that this time I don't start to hate it.

"I'll tell him when I know for sure... Oh my.. I mean.. I really hope that it's there..." I took a bite of the chocolate cake I ordered. It tasted like heaven.

"I am so happy for you! And I'm sure he'd be happy too" Miryam smiled and sipped her coffee.

I knew that Joel was going to be okay with the baby. Only thing that I was a bit afraid of was that what if it triggers some memories from the past pregnancy or something. What if I should go to see a real therapist to talk about it? How to let go or say good byes, orsomething. That was something I had never done or thought so that was another thing to ask tomorrow from my doctor.

"How are the things with Aleksi?" Miryam then asked. I had told her about the conversation me, Joel and Aleksi had some time ago but hadn't really touched the topic since that. She knew that it was a hard stuff for me but she also knew that I wanted to fix it. I had told her everything, since the beginning of me and Joel to the crazy three weeks I had with Aleksi, literally all of it. She was my best friend and it was easy to pour my heart to her especially now when my go-to therapist was occupied with Pauline. I did not blame him tho, it was about a time for him to actually find someone.