Forever & Always (A Ross Lynch Love Story)

Chapter 38: Red

Chapter 38

Red

I lay back on the warm sand, closing my eyes and letting my mind drift away. It had felt so right that morning to be with Ross; i already missed him. He had said that they were going to the beach too... Would it be possible that he was at the same beach as i? Big Island was only so big.

I sat up halfway and glanced around, looking for Ross's bright blonde hair or maybe even his neon board shorts.

"But..." i thought to myself. "Even if i saw him, it's not like I'd even be able to TALK To him. I probably wouldn't even be able to look at him." i scowled sourly.

"Jordan!" the sound of Carly's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Yes?" i answer tiredly.

"Want to come in the water with me?" she smiled shyly.

i could tell that she was trying to help me stop thinking about Ross. But the thing was... I didn't want to stop thinking of him. I wanted to spend every minute of my days thinking, dreaming, wondering about the boy who i was forbidden to have. I nodded dully, examining my toes and avoiding her gaze. I stood up and brushed the sticky sand off of me, straightened my short cut off shorts, and set off towards the water at Carly's side. I stared at my feet as the waves lapped over my toes.

Carly took a deep breath. "Ross is here," she said barely above a whisper.

"I know," i croaked.

"Did you see him?"

"No... He told me this morning..." i twisted my hands together.

"You were with him this morning?"

i looked up to see Carly gazing at me quizzically.

I nodded and continued to examine my feet.

"Look... I know this isn't what you want to hear, but... You have to let him go."

"Why?" i could feel my temperature rising quickly.

"Jordan, before you blow up on me, hear me out," Carly took a staggering step back, her hands held out in front of her.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "I'm listening." i muttered sourly.

"First of all, your mom doesn't want you seeing him... If she found out--"

"I know!!!!" i could feel tears springing to my eyes, and i quickly wiped them away. "But this is MY life, not hers!!!!!!" i shouted.

Carly took another step backwards. "I know, Jordan. And i know... You love him more than life itself, and him you. But... Theres a saying..." I knew what she was going to say even before she said it. "If you love something, set it free. If it's meant to be, it'll come back."

Tears started rolling down my cheeks and i started running away, along the beach, kicking sand everywhere and spritzing myself with sea water. I could hear someone shouting my name behind me, but it faded into the background noise. All i could hear was the beating of my heart in my throat.

"Jordan?!" someone's arms wrapped around my waist and i struggled in their grasp, but they stayed tight. "Jordan?"

"Let go of me!" i cried.

"Jordan."

Ross. I stopped struggling and wrapped my arms around his neck, sobbing into his bare chest.

"What's wrong?" Ross rubbed my back.

"Carly-- let go-- you-- true-- it just-- no!!" i stuttered, tightening my grip around his neck.

"It's okay," he whispered, burying his nose in my hair and breathing rhythmically on my neck reassuringly.

I felt my heart shatter. "No. It's not," i whispered. "It's not!!!" i shouted, pushing Ross away from me. One look at his shocked face sent my heart into my stomach. I chewed my lip and felt the tears rolling down my face in a steady stream. I collapsed on the sand with my head in my hands.

Ross gave me a hurt look, then sat down next to me. "What's wrong?" he whispered, putting a hand on my stomach.

"Carly... She was talking about... How if you love something, you should set it free, and--" my voice cracked and i felt my heart float back up into my throat. "Now would be just a wonderful time to throw up," i thought sarcastically.

Ross frowned. "Why?"

"Why what?" i cried.

"Why would she tell you that?"

"What do you mean?" i gasped for air. Ross's hand on my stomach tensed the slightest bit.

"She knows I'll always come back to you, doesn't she?"

"I don't know!!" i cried. It was just too much for me to handle.

"Jordan--" Ross started.

"No..." i pushed his hand off of me. I knew what i had to do. "Ross, i... I'm so sorry... But... Carly's right." A tear slid down his cheek.

"I see how it is," he said bitterly, standing up and running his hands through his hair.

"Ross--" i started.

"No!!! You know what Jordan, i love you!!! But apparently you don't love me."

"Ross!!! I--"

Ross laughed bitterly. "You don't have to try to make me feel better!! I guess if I'm the only one who wants this relationship to continue, then we're over."

"Ross!!" fresh tears stained my cheeks. He wasn't actually doing this. Was he?

"I knew you were trouble.

My jaw dropped. "Excuse me?!"

Ross smiled evilly through his apparent pain.

"Oh, well if I'm so much TROUBLE i guess this relationship isn't what i thought, either!!" i screamed. I stood up and ran away. How could he do this to me?! How could i do this to myself? I ran and dove into the water, feeling my heart shatter even more with every stroke i took.

Suddenly Ross was beside me. "Jordan, I'm sorry, I'm being an--" he grabbed my arm.

"Stop!" i shouted, pulling away from him. "You know what, i thought you did love me!! But now i know you're just like everyone else! Once you stop getting what you want, you leave!!!" i covered my mouth with my hand and bit it to try to stop from sobbing.

"No I'm not," Ross said quietly.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't even bother trying to redeem yourself."

"Jordan, please! I got mad, I'm sorry!!" Ross ran his fingers through his wet hair.

"Ross, it's--"

Ross leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine.

I felt my heart start to melt; then i pulled away, shaking my head.

"Jord," Ross's voice cracked.

"Ross," i looked into his beautiful brown eyes. "I love you. And... I hope you know that. But... I cant do this. Im so sorry. Goodbye, my love." I started swimming away, but Ross grabbed my ankle and gently pulled me back next to him.

"Jordan--"

"No, Ross," i smiled sadly. "You have a life to go back to... You're better off without me." tears started rolling down my face again.

"Without you, I'm nothing," he whispered.

My heart broke.

I wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay, that we'd be together again soon, that we weren't over for good. But i didn't know that. Sure, i loved Ross, and he loved me, but were we really meant to be? My mouth went dry as i shook my head hurriedly, not daring to look into his eyes. "I love you," i whispered hoarsely. Then i swam away.