Across the Hall | L.S

Chapter 30

~ Harry Styles ~

The past couple of days have been what felt like the calm before the storm, Louis and I have spent every possible waking moment together. With the exception of going to class which I really didn't want to do but my beautiful boyfriend said that I should so I did. 

I have also been made aware of a certain instagram account that has around ten thousand followers, all they post are videos of me sassing the teachers which is a little alarming. Louis was reading some of the comments to me last night, when we were in bed together, whilst in a fit of laughter and there was one that really caught my attention. 

"I'd let this boy hit me with his car" with a load of crying emojis. I find that very odd, especially since this girl did not in fact go to this school and seemed to be quite young. I tried reporting the account but nothing has happened so I have been trying to act normal and not give them any more content. 

Especially since I remembered Dylan's offer, the reason he came to see me last week was actually to offer me a job. Or rather his agency want to offer me a job to work for them as a model, apparently since the pictures that he has posted with me there has been a bit of a buzz, there was even article written about me which I really do not care to read. 

Is that something I want for myself? 

Even though Louis and I are very much back together and I feel happy when he is next to me, the panic attacks have not ceased to exist and they strike at the most inconvenient of times. Just today I was minding my own business walking to my geography class while Niall had been chatting away about a specific cinnamon bun he had in Colorado when he visited three years ago that he hadnt been able to stop thinking about since, when my heart started to race and I felt like I was being suffocated. 

I quickly excused myself from my friend and ran, no I sprinted, to my room locking myself in my bathroom as thats the only room that actually locks, and hugged my knees to my chest while I sat on the floor. Quickly breathing in and out trying to remember how I calmed myself down the last time but then remembering it was by focusing on Louis' heartbeat but he wasn't here this time. 

The only thought coursing through my mind was that I was going to do something, anything, to make him leave again, Things had been going well like they are now when he just decided I wasn't worth it, what if he does that again? 

My heart was pounding so hard I could literally see my school shirt moving along with it, all of the oxygen had been sucked out of the room because I couldn't breathe no matter how hard I tried and it really felt like I was going to pass out but I just didn't. 

It had taken an hour for my heart to go back to normal but it did eventually, it had been lunch time and Louis had heard that I left abruptly so he came to check on me but I was ashamed at the reason why I was locked in my bathroom so I lied and said I felt sick. 

Lying to him felt wrong but I couldn't show him what was actually happening, this was my cross to bear and I had to so alone. 

Even though the storm had come and gone, I still had a dark cloud looming over me.

Given that I was covered in a thin layer of sweat and looked pale as a ghost, Louis had bought my story of me feeling sick and stayed with me in my bed holding me all lunchtime. The serenity I felt while just laying there with him while he gently stroked my hair and ran his fingertips along my scalp was indescribable. 

It was a feeling comparable to floating free in the ocean. 

But then lunch ended and he had to leave to go to class, I pretended like it was absolutely fine that he was walking away mainly because I'm starting to get annoyed at how clingy I have become. Louis is allowed to be away from me, I dont want it to feel like I am suffocating him.