Clementine had become a wild child. Born in America but raised abroad, she now had little regard for the expectations of high society. But her reckless ways eventually catch up with her when she is kicked out of college in New York City and forced t...
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It was a physical feeling, always the same feeling in her knees in her legs in her lungs from him. An inexplicable force that made her both elated form the glimmer of hope she has been saving in herself and also full of nervous energy, her being an outsider to all of it still.
But then something happened to her.
Beyond the initial shock to her system, she realized then and there what she had to do.
She would let it all go.
Release something if you want it to find you again, she heard her mother's words echo in her head.
She instinctively touched her neck, as if the vessels necessary to keep her alive would give her the answer if she put them under this risk again,
Yes, she thought, it didn't matter anymore.
For one night, only if for a night, she would let go of all the blame and just celebrate it.
Gracias A La Vida was playing and Clementine saw it as a sign.
She felt an unbelievable amount of gratefulness. Gratefulness for all the lessons she learned, and the opportunity to move past them.
And even if she as moving past him, it was possible that what fate was asking of her was to get through him first in order to move past and it was so clear what she had to do.
How she would let go graciously. All her life she strived to be more graceful. In ballet, in love, in life.
And for once in such a long time, she just wanted to remember what it felt like to not have to put up al these defensive guards, all these judgements that she was trained to hold in order to protect her from the big bad world.
Strangely enough, she as able to let all of that go, now. With Zico.
It was a strange paradox, she was able to hold both immense trust and immense failure in the same bucket.
Was she giving up or completely accepting the facts?
When Mina and her new husband walked back down the aisle and out of the church, mostly everyone followed them out. Clementine was at the very back, taking her time, one of the last people inside.
He slowly found her in the room.
"Hi," he said very innocently, and she almost forgot everything all over again. Then she got angry, and then she remembered again how she was going to treat this night. Better. Probably better than he deserved.
Maybe he was treating her better too, but Clementine didn't want to think about that.
"Hi," she said quietly, looking around but nobody was really paying attention to them.
He bit his lip, and looked around the room, and even though her knees got weak she wouldn't.
"Let's walk," she said, and they slowly started making their way along the building. Clementine glanced around every now and then to see that everyone was still too preoccupied with what just perspired to really notice them.
They didn't say much, and Clementine found herself looking up at the sky as if the answers lay there.
"The stars are so clear here," she said . "Have I ever mentioned that before?" She looked at his face, and tried to ground herself in this reality. Finding that with him it was just circles and circles. Though always on a new level.
"You are the kind of person to say these things," hd looked at her, looked up, then looked around the room.
Clementine noticed that they were standing a lot closer than they were moments ago. And that if the ice wasn't completely broken, it was at least thawing.
He gracefully ran his hand through his hair, and then smoothly transitioned to gently grabbing her by her elbow, he leaned in, leading her and whispered, "can we go somewhere, more private?"
She felt her whole being do that whole thing that it does when he was in the equation, and she tried paying no attention to it though also not fighting it at the same time.
Clementine looked into his eyesore a moment, trying to read everything she missed, simply nodding.
He slid his hand down to meet hers, and his large warm hand took hers, fitting familiarly and as perfect as a puzzle pice.
He led her through the large crowd and out to the back of the building. There was a door there, and Clementine realized it was still the church but they erred into a back, small room. Dimly lit, it seemed to be a forgotten storage room.
He closed the door behind them, and though there wasn't much room to walk around, it was more like a large closet, they were forced to be close to each other.
Control yourself, she kept repeating to herself.
At first it was a little bit awkward but it was all she could do t stop herself form going right in for a kiss herself. Especially now that she made her mind up to how it was going to go.
"Always important," she said, breaking the silence, "to make up your mind before you go into these kind of situation."
"And what kind of situation is that?" Zico asked. He smiled, but Clementine could tell he was being careful. She relished the power she had over him at this moment but also cursed herself for knowing him so well.
"Its been...awhile. And we've both been, away." Clementine said.
"Look, Clementine, I came here to.." Zico began but Clementine din't let him finish.
She brought her finger up to his mouth and shook her head. And then she finally find it, staying true to her intentions, she went in fo the kiss.
