Clementine had become a wild child. Born in America but raised abroad, she now had little regard for the expectations of high society. But her reckless ways eventually catch up with her when she is kicked out of college in New York City and forced t...
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She came out of that bathroom feeling a little bit desperate. She roamed the room a little bit more, not sure if she was still looking for him.
She thought he knew where he'd be anyway. Outside, smoking, she thought.
She fingered the cigarettes she hastily packed in her purse and decided maybe she should go there, but as she was walking through the door to go outside, he was coming back inside with his friends, pausing on her for a moment as if he was going to say something but quickly changed his mind.
She stood there outside, thinking that was a stupid idea in the first place, not even wanting to smoke and went back inside.
She thought all of a sudden how cold it felt. Not the weather, but how cold it was to stand on the outside of him. She knew it was good, but she did't know just how good. Because now she got to know both the warm glow of his attention and the icy wind of the outskirts. She was clearly an outsider now. If once she was someone he wanted to learn more about, letting her into his world, no she was what felt like an intruder. Locked out of his world and boy the weather was not forgiving.
She shook it off, knowing full well that the only way out way through, and went back inside.
She went to find Laticia with Ernesto as the rest of their friends, discussing the guy Ernesto was talking to.
"I was saying, that that's the kind of guy I'd want you to meet," Ernesto was telling her as if she was always there, transitioning smoothly to conversation with her.
"What?!" Clementine yelled, still distracted by her thoughts, and having a hard time hearing over the music.
Ernesto leaned in closer to her, grabbing her by the small of her back, "all these guys here are either assholes or taken," he spoke to her and Clementine looked up at him, "the dude I just met, he seems nice. You should talk to him."
Clementine realized that Ernesto didn't realize that Zico was Zico in the room. The same Zico he heard so much about.
"Oh, drop it!" Laticia cut in, glassy eyed and smiling loonily at both of them. "That dude was boring. Besides, for better or for worse, she already has her sights set on someone else, I think."
At that, Clementine looked up from their conversation circle, and caught Zico's eyes looking at her intently and then quickly looking away. It was now her that was in front of him. After having lost him, she realized their whole group was behind them and she was in perfect view.
Perfect, she thought to herself.
Just as Ernesto didn't know about Zico - Zico didn't know about Ernesto.
"Hey Ernesto," Clementine leaned in closer to speak to him, purposefully placing her hands on his shoulders. "Tell me about that guy, was he alone?"
"Yes, actually, but..." and Clementine blocked out what Ernesto was saying, focusing only on looking as occupied as she could with in front of Zico.
She knew it was working, every now and then throwing a quick glance at him to see if he was reacting, and finally, when she was sure he'd seen enough to at least start to get the idea that Clementine was wanted and desired and could have anyone else (but only wanted him), she let him pass in front of her to get closer to the from of the room.
This allyship was turning to war and back again, because eventually she found him again. This time, coming up to him herself, not saying anything. Just dancing to the music.
"I am so drunk!" She said all of a sudden, and it was true. She was. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how gone are you?" She asked him, amen again wondered at herself why she was asking him what she hated to be asked when she was in college. She wasn't sure why all of this was coming out of her.
"Like..a 6 or 7," he said, clearly trying to keep up with her words.
"I'm like...at least an 8," Clementine was grinning, and she looked over at him to see how he was reacting and all of a sudden, ti was the strangest thing.
For the first time, there was something almost sad about him. About his being. About his shadows and what he did to try and hide them, disguise them. For the first time, she realized how pathetic this was...the cocaine, him on the cocaine when the only reason he was portably on it was because he reached the limit with every other drug. Clementine stopped dancing for a second, and looked around the room, and then looked at him again.
His eyes were half closed, and she had a feeling he did more than smoke outside.
She swallowed hard, sobering up again, and taking in the room for what it really was. A sad scene full of sad people pretending that everything was absolutely fabulous.
Was she pretending herself?
She tried to force herself to dance to the music again, but she couldn't even find the same beat. But he didn't notice. After some silence of them standing beside each other, Clementine didn't dare utter anything else again. But then she heard him muter something, but she couldn't quite make it out.
"What?" She asked, and when she thought she heard him say a broken 'good vibes' when there were clearly no good vibes to be found ,she instantly regretted it again.
She hung around for a little more but then it was her turn to retreat. Without a word, not even sure if he would notice or not, she went a bit more to the back. Not even to Laticia or Ernesto, just trying to observe the room. She stayed there for a while until they did find her, suddenly feeling very drained of energy.
She watched him dancing with his friends, talking. Getting up on the side steps, and at one point, suddenly sitting down - as if encountering a head-rush - everyone dancing around him.
But then eventually just as quickly getting up and swiftly reengaging with the room, taking control of it.
She couldn't understand it. Him, the night,, or if he even missed her.
She had a strange sensation of simultaneously wanting to hold him, tell him everything was going to be alright, and also walk out on him in anger and disgust ate the same time. And both were two opposing forces between which she ask't sure who was wining.
