He had left the place two hours after. With a feeling of distraught and pain, he couldn't take it anymore and decided it was best to leave. He had gotten home around six in the afternoon, dropping his belongings onto the ground as he made his way to the bedroom. As he opened the door, all the feelings of sadness came to him like a truck, it seemed the memories of him just made him feel that way.
Dropping himself onto the bed, he closed his eyes as he held onto one of the pillows tightly. He wanted to sleep, sleep the thoughts away from his head, but nothing seemed to work. Instead of feeling tired and dreadful as he had been feeling before, a sort of anger made its way to his heart. He just, didn't like anything.
"Ugh.." he sat up. He wasn't able to sleep, he had too much on his mind. He ran his fingers through his hair, making a big sigh as he wasn't able to do anything. He didn't feel like getting up, like eating, like sleeping (if he even could), or like taking a break. Nothing came in place, it was all in pieces.
Laying back down on his bed, he looked at the ceiling, trying to make his eyes tired. He remembered the times Jin would always get mad at him for trying to make himself fall asleep in that position, saying his back will hurt afterwards and he wouldn't get no sleep, yet ignoring it as, he wasn't here no more to tell him that. Remembering it, he felt a tear drop from his side cheek and fall to the bed, making him wipe the tear as he didn't want to get sad.
Ring!
Ring!
Ring!
Who's even calling him? Sitting up and looking for his phone, he found it on the ground as he picked it up and accepted the call.
"Taehyung, we're outside" was the first thing he heard from his mother's voice. He didn't dare speak, he didn't want to see no one. Only hearing her talk quietly with what seemed to be his father with her, everything else was silent.
"Leave" he said, surprising his mother. She knew he must have lots of emotions, but she didn't like that he was alone with them. She wanted to support him in any way she could, but all she received was a 'leave'.
"Tae-"
"I said leave!" He ended the call, feeling his anger rise to the roof as he couldn't understand why. His heart felt a sort of anger that he hadn't felt before, was there something to be angry about?
"Aish! Why are people annoying?!" He yelled, getting up and going out as he continued to hear the doorbell ring many times. His emotions took a toll over him, making him stomp his feet as he held the door knob, swinging it open to reveal his parents faces.
"Tae-"
"Can't you understand that I want to be alone?! You're over here, ringing and ringing the damn doorbell like some sicko!! You're going to make it stop working!! I clearly told you I wanted you two to leave!! Why can't you just do that?! I want to be alone!! ALONE!!" His face bloomed red, silence being heard afterwards. His anger still seemed to stay in his heart, as his parents could only stare at him in shock.
He wouldn't yell at them for just that, they didn't even ring the doorbell as much times, yet this madness, it was confusing. As he took deep breaths, in and out, Taehyung sighed and made them come in. He felt horrible yelling at them, the silence killed his soul, he couldn't take it.
Sitting down in the living room, he fidget with his fingers as he all he could do was stare at them, instead at his parents. His mother sat next to his father, right in front of him as she sighed.
"Taehyung..I know you're frustrated, confused, sad, tired and all..but please understand that we are trying to help you.." she said, as no response came from Taehyung's mouth.
"Son..we want the best of you..and though he's already go-"
"Stop" he finally said. His mother immediately stopped. His eyes were still on his fingers, fidgeting like never before. He still felt the guilt from yelling at his parents earlier, but his anger now seemed to take a toll on him.
"Stop saying he's gone, I know he is. If you want the best for me, why don't the both of you leave?" He tried to be as calm as possible, his heart fuming in heat.
"But-"
"What don't you understand? The word leave or that I don't want you here?" His mother was more shock than before, who was this person she was sitting in front of? Was it possible that, Taehyung was lost in himself?
"Fine..we'll leave..but know we are here for you.." as she said those words, they both got up, heading to the door as Taehyung still sat on the couch. He felt like crying but his tears burned, his anger burned his heart, as if he didn't deserve to cry.
He held his hair tightly, him feeling the tears drop from his eyes and to the ground. He didn't deserve to cry. He didn't. That's what he thought. He wanted to pull his hair out, but it already hurt by holding it. He didn't even know what he was doing, why he was there, why he even was angry.
"Ha.." but he laughed. He laughed as he cried, feeling a sort of sting in his heart, laughing as more and more tears came out of his eyes, falling to the ground like a rainfall. He wasn't angry at others, he was angry at himself. He simply regret, not saying so much, giving so little, that's what he thought he did.
He didn't appreciate the things he loved enough, the way Jin told him too. He was too caught up in everything that he forgot how much life could surprise him. He expected his future to hold something different, a sort of happiness, not sadness. As he laughed, his body grew tired, his tears not stopping as he wrapped himself with his arms, slowly coming to a stop with his laugh.
"Couldn't I just hug you one last time?.." he softly said, wiping his tears as he sat back in the couch. He stared at nothing but air, he thought of nothing but him, he wasn't liking it. He felt suffocated, as if someone was trying to murder him at the exact moment, stabbing his heart a million times as a sharp sting hit his heart.
"Why..why him?..why not me?! Why! Why! Why!!" He hit himself, crying hard as no answer came to him. He hated it. He didn't like the emptiness of the house, of his arms, of his lips, of his heart.
"Why.."
...
He felt a hand touch his face as he opened his eyes. He had slept on the couch the night before, not feeling the energy to get up and go to his bed. Fully opening his eyes and coming to realization, he saw Jin's mother, staring at him with a smile.
"You forgot to lock your door.." so that's how you go in, he thought. Smiling, he sat up. He noticed it was just her who was in the house, no sight of Jin's father, nor Seok-joong. As the silence got too loud, he cleared his throat and before he could even speak, Jin's mother spoke.
"If you don't mind, I made you some breakfast. You must be hungry.." she said, standing up as Taehyung thanked her. He was honestly hungry. He couldn't bring himself to eat the past days after Jin's accident.
Walking into the kitchen, he stared down at the food. The smell made his stomach growl, he was starving. Sitting down on the kitchen chair, he was given a place with food, he took his fork and dig in. As he did so, Jin's mother stared at him with a smile. She had come to talk with him, hearing from his parents about his anger, but he seemed calm in her eyes.
"You miss him don't you?.." Taehyung stopped eating as he stared down at the food. He nodded. He felt yet again sadness in his heart. From the look of Taehyung's, Jin's mother sighed as she sat next to him, holding onto his hands.
"Who wouldn't? He was a sweet kid.." she smiled at him, but Taehyung could see she was at the edge of crying, but said nothing.
"It's okay..don't stop your tears.." to her surprise, Taehyung had told her that, not the other way.
(I'm very sorry about the late update. I've gotten busy with school, but I have break next week so I'll try to keep my updates on schedule. Please like and leave a comment, love you all <33)
