The days past and past the same. He woke up, ate, went to work, came back, ate, and went to sleep, alone. He was tired, tired of the same cycle with no energy, no change in his life. He cried in the nights, crying himself to sleep with no one to talk to. He felt so lost, he felt empty, he felt as if he didn't want to move on as it was so hard.
He wanted to be alone but at the same time wanted to be with someone. He was confused, of his own thoughts, of his feelings, of himself. Nothing seemed to help him. He would get visits from Jin's mother, his parents and even Jin's brother. They exhausted him. He never told them that.
"Yeontan..hey baby.." Taehyung tiredly smiled. He thought, just maybe, Yeontan would give him some energy. He had brought him from his parents house to his own a few days ago, wanting some company of some sort. He picked him up, walking over to the couch as he turned on the TV. He was too tired to do anything, coming back from work and not feeling the need to do anything else.
The time felt slow. It's been like it for days, at least for him. He would stare at the clock for a few minutes, he would feel as if hours have passed by. Petting Yeontan, he clicked onto the remote, changing channels to find anything that interested him, but nothing seemed to catch his eyes. He turned off the TV. It was useless.
Laying back on the couch, he placed Yeontan on his stomach. He felt bored out of his mind. About to think of something to do, the doorbell rang, making Yeontan bark and him sit up curiously. Who would come to visit him this time? Placing Yeontan on the floor as he continued to bark, he walked to the door and looked through the small hole on the door, seeing Jin's brother, Seok-joong, at his door. Opening the door, he stared at him.
"Hey..Taehyung..how've you been?.."
...
They sat in silence as Taehyung had given him a cup of coffee with a few cookies. He had gotten used to the gesture from Jin, who always gave something to the guests whenever they had any.
"Why you come here?.." Taehyung didn't want to sound rude, he was just tired and generally didn't feel the energy of having guests. Seok-joong sighed. He saw Taehyung's tiredness, he regret coming because he knew the feeling.
"How I said before..I wanted to know how you're feeling..my parents are wondering the same.." Tae hummed. He was thankful for their worries, he was worried for how they felt as well. Losing a child, was not easy, none of it was as easy.
"Tired hyung..you know, I sometimes think I'm too tired to be tired haha.." he joked, but didn't feel the joy in him. Seok-joong smiled a bit, looking down as he had nothing else to say. Taehyung noticed.
"You?" He asked. Seok-joong looked up again. He cleared his throat as he took a sip of the coffee that was placed in front of him.
"I..well, we all miss him..I miss his jokes to begin with.." seok-joong chuckled as he remembered the small jokes his brother would tell him any chance he got. They both knew Jin loved to make jokes, it was part of him.
They sat in silence yet again. It would always end up like this, no one spoke, no one said a word, they would sit in quietness until Seok-joong left. Not that Taehyung felt uncomfortable nor did Seok-joong, they both found some comfort in the silence.
"Do you want to grab some tteokbokki?"
...
Taehyung sighed as he waited for the food to come. He didn't want to go out, so instead he asked Seok-joong to order some. He felt horrible for having to make him pay, but in the end, Seok-joong didn't mind. Taehyung had invited him to sit in the living room, Yeontan bringing his toys as he found another human to play with.
"What's his name?" Taehyung stared at Yeontan. That dog could go from one person to another in quick of a blink.
"Yeontan" he said, sitting a bit far from him as he stared at Yeontan and Seok-joong. He remembered the time when Jin had first met Yeontan, they played for what seemed to be hours until Tae's mother called them up to eat.
"I remember Jin talking about someone named Yeontan, never knew it would be a dog" Seok-joong chuckled, remembering the time Jin came with the biggest smile, making him worry that he must have found a boyfriend, to only end up finding out it was a dog.
"He spoke about Yeontan?" Seok-joong nodded. He picked up Yeontan, playing him on his lap as he pet his head.
"He said he had a cute face, I honestly was scared that he found a lover" Taehyung laughed a bit. Knowing Seok-joong and how protective he was of Jin, there was no surprise there.
"But not only did he spoke about Yeontan, he spoke about you" Taehyung stared at him, he guessed Jin would have spoken about him at some point to his parents, not to his brother.
"He would go hours and hours just saying how much of a kind man you were, and I honestly wanted to put tape on his mouth to see if he would stop talking!!" Seok-joong laughed.
They sighed in relief as they were able to laugh. Taehyung was thankful to feel another emotion that wasn't tiredness or any sort of those emotions. As the quietness cooled down, Tae's doorbell rang, letting them know that their food had arrive. Seok-joong stood up and went to get the door as Taehyung went to grab some drinks.
"Do you want coke?" Taehyung yelled from the kitchen, grabbing a coke for himself. Seok-joong paid the worker as he made his way to the kitchen.
"I prefer water instead" he said, placing the bag and taking out the container of tteokbokki. Taehyung drooled at the smell of it, making his stomach growl as he was ready to devour everything. He gave Seok-joong his water, pouring some coke into his own cup and sitting down.
They dig in, Yeontan barking as he wanted to try some as well. They talked bit by bit, yet ate most of the time. As their foods came to be gone at one point, they sat back in their seats, letting the food digest itself into their system.
"Hyung.." Taehyung spoke, killing the silence as Seok-joong turned to him. He had gotten used to Tae calling him hyung as they got closer.
"Do you want to visit him with me?"
...
Taehyung didn't know why. Maybe he missed him so much, maybe he just wanted to cry. He sat in front of Jin's stone, alone, as Seok-joong didn't have the energy to visit him that time. Taehyung didn't mind going alone, he understood Seok-joong's emotions, plus, he wanted to go alone.
"Miss me hyung?.." Taehyung smiled, placing another white tulips on the ground as he stared at the gray stone. The air was chilly, but enough for Taehyung to enjoy it. The wind hit his face softly, making him take a deep breath in as he looked down.
"Your brother came to visit me, he said he missed you lots..your parents miss you too, Yeontan does as well.." he knew his emotions raised to the sky whenever he thought of him, he didn't like it, but wanted to be with him.
"I ate tteokbokki earlier..I know how much you loved it..I ate your part haha..sorry.." remembering the times Jin would get mad whenever he ate his food, he felt the hits of him too real.
"It's strange how I can cry for you..yet laugh the next second..maybe distractions are good for me..no?" Taehyung said, running his fingers through his hair as he laid back on the ground.
He stared at the blue sky, seeing the small bits of clouds as he stared at all the ones he could. He held onto his hands, placing them on his stomach as he closed his eyes. He didn't want to cry, he wanted to be at peace, yet it seemed the emotions were too hard to control.
When was his heart going to stop hurting?
