The Mute Reporter

5- Present Day

Jensen Blackwell

I sit in my car, my body not willing me to move into the building in front of me.

It's an apartment. Not a restaurant, or a cafe, or any public place. Just an apartment.

I look down at the text again, looking at the apartment number.

24B.

I look at the time, and I've been sitting outside of this building for 15 minutes now. Just staring at it. The time also shows that I'm late.

It's 1:07.

Finally, I take a leap of faith and step out of my car, making sure to lock it.

As I walk slowly into the building, I make sure to hide my limp the best that I can.

It looks like I'm sore at best. I'm getting better at hiding it though from anyone in public.

I take the elevator to the second floor, and find his door.

I can't knock though. So I just stare at it. I'll never forget walking through this door and away from Sam.

It's my biggest regret in life.

But I'm back here again somehow, and with his doing.

He's a good person, and he doesn't deserve someone as horrible as me to walk back in his life. I'm toxic and I know it, and he doesn't deserve another person like me. He deserves someone who can treat him better than I did.

So I turn to walk away, but his door opens.

His blue eyes widen in surprise seeing me there, turning away.

We just look at each other, his hand not moving from the door.

"I arrived on time." Is all I say after an uncomfortable bout of silence.

He raises a brow and looks at his watch.

'It's 1:16.' He signs to me.

I nod, but I look down at my shoes before elaborating any further.

I hear him step aside, keeping the door open for me.

As I look up I see Sam walking back into the apartment, and I hesitantly let myself inside, shutting the door quietly behind me.

I didn't do that last time I shut this door.

Pictures on the wall snap my attention to them, and one in particular catches my eye.

Celia and Sam are standing with a little kid on a beach, he looks about three years old.

The little kid is also being held by Becks. She stood in between the two siblings.

The kid has dark brown hair, and blue eyes.

Did Celia and Becks get a surrogate? I can only assume they did because the kid looks similar to Becks with his dark colored hair.

His blue eyes were a little familiar though. He has a big smile on his face as he has his head leaning into Becks shoulder.

Movement out of the corner of my eye snaps me away from the picture, and Sam looks a little pale.

'That's Carter.' Is all he says.

Carter is a kid. Not a boyfriend. Not a husband of Sam's. He's a kid.

I'm not sure what to make of my feelings as relief washes through me at that.

"He's cute." Is all I say, and Sam just gives a small nod, looking away.

I look back at the photo, looking at Sam now. I could only imagine how much sunscreen he had to wear in that picture, and if he got burnt on that day at the beach at all.

His sunglasses were off during the photo, but he had them in his hand.

I release a breath of a laugh, barely anything at all, no small.

"Fuck light sensitivity." I mutter, and look back at Sam.

He just bites his lip, and takes a deep breath.

'Would you like anything to drink? Coffee? Water?'

I take a step away from the wall of photos. "I'm okay, thank you though."

Sam nods, and walks further inside his apartment, sitting on a couch.

I follow him, and sit in a chair, giving him space.

My fave scrunches in pain at that, my knee still giving me trouble.

Sam notices, and I noticed he noticed.

'What happened?'

I just shake my head. "Doesn't matter."

His blue eyes bore into mine, and I begin to feel like I did a few years ago, when I feel like he could see right through me.

'You still understand asl?'

I just nod. "I taught myself a new word every night."

Sam's stare turns to a mixture of shock and curiosity.  So I just stare at my hands, wanting to avoid this conversation.

I can just say I kept up with it for the hell of it, but  that would be a bold faced lie. And Sam would know it.

Learning a new word every night was just so I could feel connected to Sam in some way still.

"Why am I here?"

'I want to fix things.' Is all he tells me.

I just look at him, and I can tell he isn't lying. Just nervous to what I will say to that.

Frankly, I don't know what to say to that. I don't have a response.

Things between us are so ruined that they can't be fixed. We aren't a shattered pot to be stuck back together with gold glue.

So I just say what comes to mind.

"What is your dream vacation?" I remembered his text to promise telling me that if I came.

Sam stares at me for a moment, before answering.

'Costa Rica.'

I let out a light laugh. "Why Costa Rica?"

'Because I want to fly.'

I just stare at him, not sure how to respond.

'Obviously we can't fly, but the zip lines there are the closest feeling to flying without skydiving.'

Now that made much more sense.

"Don't break your neck on a zip line like Toby did in the office." I joke, and Sam lets out his version of a laugh.

A light few breaths. Like a breathy wheeze. 'I see you still use humor to cope with difficult situations.'

I shrug, looking down at my hands and playing with my fingers.

We're both silent once again, and he makes no move to sign anything to me.

We just let the ticking of his wall clock fill the room with noise.

Eventually the front door unlocks, and I look up just in time to see Becks and Celia walking in.

Sam's sister holds a few grocery bags, and I see Becks holding Carter, who looks limp and is probably asleep.

The two girls both stop dead when they see me, but Becks makes sure to be clear about her emotions.

"What the hell are you doing here Jensen?"