FELIX ONESHOTS! (bxb)

I Watched You Disappear (CHANLIX)

Now playing: Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men 

TW: Mpreg, miscarriage, suicides, mentions of assault.

Chan was sat on his couch, deep in his thoughts as the silence and empty atmosphere were accompanying him. It's been weeks since the funeral; weeks of fighting the voices in his head alone; weeks of being miserable; weeks without Felix.

His gaze from his lap slowly went to the kitchen and suddenly, memories of them flooded into his mind. Felix was usually the one that used the room the most; always making new meals for Chan to try or even bake things for fun.

There were times where Chan would join the freckled boy in cooking and he remembered how much mess they would make. He remembered how big Felix smile when they were cooking, his voice when he was telling the older how he should cut the onions or cook the meat, he remembered everything like it was just yesterday.

There was one time where both of them had decided to bake a cake for fun since it was their off day from work and a little cake didn't harm anyone. Maybe baking wasn't for Chan but he had fun teasing the younger and placing the frosting all over the freckled boy's face.

"Chris!"

"You look cute."

"I look like a mess, thanks to you."

"Aw, don't be so pouty, where's the smile I love."

Chan smiled a bit from the memory but it slowly faded as the once bright and light atmosphere in the kitchen died down; turning it into a gloomy area and it looked like it hadn't been used ever since. The older got up from the couch and walked down the hallway of the house, heading up the stairs and into their bedroom.

He slowly sat down on his side of the bed and looked at the empty space beside him. Felix would always have the other side of the bed; it was an unspoken thing. He still remembers Felix's arms around his torso, his head on Chan's chest as they both snuggled together till they slept.

There were times where the older couldn't sleep at all due to his insomnia but Felix made it a habit to sing a little, hoping that will ease Chan to sleep. It worked, but there were times where the older woke up to nightmares. It was hard to find a good night's rest sometimes since Chan worked as an agent; there would be missions requiring him to dig deep for information about particular agencies, some even had a disturbing background. So, Chan would always come home with the image of whatever he saw that would terrify him to death.

Whenever he had a nightmare, the freckled boy would wrap his hands around the older and hold him; he would whisper reassuring words and rub his back until he calmed down. 'It's all in your head,' Felix would say. 'They're not real, you're okay.'

It may not mean much to others but it meant a lot to Chan. He would find himself slowly calming down and without knowing, he would be right to sleep. And Felix? He didn't ask what the nightmares would be about; he didn't want the older to remember such horrible things if it made him scared to death.

But then everything changed. After that incident, Chan rarely came home and as he looked over to Felix's side; how many nights did the younger have to sleep alone?

Chan got off the bed, letting his legs take him to the next spot. He stood in front of their closet and opened it. His clothes were there but beside them were Felix's. It was quite a contrast; all of the older's were black while the younger's were bright and pastel.

The older chuckled at the memory of when Felix would always show Chan what he bought. He would come out of the bathroom, wearing all sorts of outfits and also putting on a show for the older. And Chan would always say the same thing.