Above whispers

chapter 99

March 5 1995

Dear diary

I'm a big mess right now and I don't know what to do, I feel so guilty and selfish to have come between two best friends even though it was never my intention to do so.

Last night, jaiye and James got into a very big fight which lead to them getting indefinate suspension as school supervisors by the school authority.
I can't say how the fight started because I still haven't gotten the full details of what happened except the fact that everyone is pointing a finger at me; the words going around says they fought because of me and now I have been being the burnt from those who have labelled me the devil for "coming between them" in the first place... Tough!

I guess the problem started when James confronted me some weeks back to ask if rumours about me and jaiye dating was true, I was surprise he asked because I expected he would have known since he and jaiye are best friends and best friends always share everything together, at least Ladi and I do. Initially I thought he was mad because we didn't tell him about it and he stormed off with a very scary and angry look after I affirmed it was true, I didn't hear anything else from him from about it again so I asked jaiye why he never told James about us, he just brushed it off.

Since then I  noticed there was a rift between them, both of them were clearly having disagreements but none of them will tell me what it was all about, then jaiye started getting funny, he hates to see me talking with James which strikes me as weird since we were all friends, I remained in the dark about what was going on until Ladi came clean to me about everything.

It turns out James had told her some months back that he really like me, he was even seeking her advice on how to approach me but she didn't tell me about it earlier because she was feeling bad for obvious reasons. Her revelation made me realize the boys were having an altracation because of me, which automatically makes the rumor going around very true.

Apparently, Jaiye already knew about Jame's crush on me but disregarded it since he made no move, and I must confess that the whole situation is surprising to me, I didn't have the slightest idea that James liked me that way even though I fancy myself and expert in love isssues, I only saw him as a senior friend who despite the fact that he always annoys me with his too serious nature was still dear to my heart because he always look out for me like a big brother.

Ladi said his feelings were very obvious and I must be totally blind not to have sensed it, she, like everyone else thinks I was only pretending not to be aware and I really don't know how to convince her otherwise, that I only had eyes for Jaiye and no one else. That aside, one thing that baffles me is why Jaiye never told me about it despite knowing the truth? Why did he hide it from me when he knows too well it would cause problems for us, I was mad and angry but it's hard to keep a grudge with him, not when he has been begging with so much sincerity but then again, he's not the one trapped between two people he cares about, it's me! And I have to deal with the aftermath alone.

I know both of them have been friends since junior class, they're like blood brothers, infact Jaiye loves James and cares for him so much that I get jealous of there friendship at time, I get jealous of the way he can't make a simple decision without thinking to consult James, they way they seem to understand each other even without words, almost as if they're telepathic, both of them used to be so close and it hurts to think I'm the main cause of there fued.

They won't talk to each other no matter how much I try to intervene and the hostility just keeps growing, Jaiye wants me to stop talking to James completely because he feels the latter will brain wash me but I can't and he on the other hand feels he has a right to me because he meet me first which also doesn't sit well with me because I'm nobody's properties, I'm a free human and I can make my own decisions without any interference