Directed by Destiny (A SethFon AU)

Seal Him with a Kiss

===TIME SKIP===

Months pass by, and Stefon appeared in more Weekend Update skits. Viewers at home all over the United States started to develop a liking for him, since they found his punchlines funny, and with how desperate he is to engage in physical contact with Seth on set.

One day, one year later, the show's script writers wrote a skit for Weekend Update that involved Stefon kissing Seth's lips. Before they started rehearsing for the episode, the writing staff gave Seth a copy of the script without the kissing scene on purpose.

Stefon, however, received a different copy, and was strictly informed not to tell Seth about the kissing scene that was about to happen during Weekend Update for the week's episode.

On the Saturday of that week, every cast member prepared for the sketches that they were going to act in. As the Weekend Update sketch was about to begin later that night, Seth and Stefon prepared themselves while the commercial breaks aired.

Soon after that, John started rolling the camera again.

Seth immediately started the sketch, saying to the camera, "With the weather getting warmer in New York, millions of residents and tourists will be stepping out to enjoy the city. Here now is some tips on New York's best spring time places, our city correspondent, Stefon."

As Stefon showed up, the cheers for him were louder than when he first appeared on Weekend Update.

When he greeted Seth, Seth asked, "So, Stefon, what have you been up to?" Stefon replied, "Just... catching up on Boston Legal." After the audience laughed at Stefon's response, Seth said to him, "So, Stefon, tourists are gonna be hitting up New York more and more as the weather gets warmer. Any tips on what they should check out?"

Stefon then proceeds to talk about a club named "Thank You", a Eurotrash utopia located at a crashing blimp and created by a beatnik doctor named Soul Patch Adams, which includes zip lines, flash floods, a Hawaiian guy that no one invited, an old Pakistani woman that looks like a California raisin.

After that, Stefon tells the camera, "And this weekend, they're having a tournament of everybody's favorite trivia game: 'Shaun White or Bonnie Raitt?'. Look closely, the answer may surprise you." Seth thought to himself, "This club sounds horrible."

Meanwhile, the audience laughed at the visual thoughts of the club that Stefon recommended.

A few seconds later, Seth said, "So, Stefon, that's great, but what I'm looking for... are places that regular people could enjoy, you know? March Madness is going on; maybe people want to come to New York and hit up some sports bars?" Stefon replied, "If you're looking for madness... in March... I know just the spot. New York's hottest club is... Kevin?"

Stefon then talked about the club, saying that it was opened in some Lady Footlocker at gunpoint, and is currently managed by infamous gay running back Blow-J Simpson, which includes soda, purple stuff, Sunny D, and a VIP room for football jellyfish.

Seth then told Stefon, "Oh, I'm sorry... What are football jellyfish?" Stefon replied, "It's that thing when NFL players have the helmet, but with the skinny dreads hanging out." Seth repeatedly tapped his pencil on the table and said, "I knew that had a name."

The audience started laughing again.

Stefon continued, "So, come on down. The bouncer's a Greek boy who looks like Marv Albert, and the password is YES!." Seth then said, "Stefon, again... Great, great job... But we're still not hearing any traditional New York spots. You know, St. Patrick's Day, for example, is coming up. And a lot of people come to New York to celebrate. Do you know any famous New York Irish landmarks where people, regular people, might have a festive, regular festive, non-traumatic St. Patrick's Day?" Stefon replied, "If you're Irish, or traditional, I have just the place for you."

Stefon proceeded to talk about an Irish pub named "Wee Little Baby", which was opened in 1709 by a Black Irish comedian named Sinbad O'Connor, and earned the Health Department's first-ever J rating, which includes sheep, freckles, potato people, and a room full of heprechauns.

Seth cut him off and said, "Uh... I think you mean leprechauns." Stefon replied, "No, heprechauns. They're... leprechauns with Hep C." Seth was taken aback, so he asked, "How did they get Hep C?" Stefon answered, "I'm not... gonna ask."

Stefon then talked about going to the pub's dance floor with a group of hoombas.

After Seth asked what a hoomba is, Stefon explained that it was a person suffering from dwarfism riding a skateboard who slides around the pub's dance floor while eating garbage. As Stefon could not contain his laughter, Seth said, "Stefon, I... I don't think anyone's reassured with the presence of human roombas. I don't... think they are...."

Seth then reassured Stefon that everything was OK to calm him down.

Then, he blurted out, "I just have to say... this place doesn't feel very Irish to me." Stefon started checking the pockets of his pants afterwards while telling him, "Well, um... You know what? They're giving out... they're giving out... they're giving out these."

Stefon proceeded to hand Seth a pin.

Seth then said, "Oh. Kiss me, I'm Irish." Stefon suddenly answered, "If you insist." Stefon proceeded to kiss Seth's lips for a few seconds. When Seth pulled away, he asked, "How long have you been carrying around that button?" Stefon answered, "All year."

A few seconds later, the Weekend Update skit ended.

To be continued in Part 13...