Is it aimed at me or not? Give me the right to know what I’ve got
Coz I don’t care what you think of me; that I’m using and abusing what you gave to me
Coz I do this and it means that
I smoke a rollie and you think I must be shotting crack
Now I jam for you, every day I do
I play my guitar and do a serenade for two
——
Harry sighed whole-heartedly as he stared across the room at the blonde haired, bouncing boy in the centre of the room. Niall’s whole aura was contradicting everything that Harry felt. Niall was happy; content with life and embracing the people around him with such joy. He didn’t have a care in the world, and just flowed through life like a feather in the wind; only occasionally stopping to stick to Harry’s knit jumper.
Harry on the other hand; was a mess. Nobody knew he was a mess of course, why would he add another gram of worry onto their scale? Most people would say that his life was perfect; what with the fame, fortune, and doing what he loved; but Harry couldn’t think of it that way. Yes he loved and appreciated all of that, but he couldn’t do it fully with the boy he had fallen in love with not even taking a second glance at him.
He acted as if his blatant ignorance from his boyfriend didn’t faze him; he acted like he didn’t care. But deep down, albeit not even as far down in his soul as you’d think, he was breaking oh so slowly. All he wanted was for Niall to scratch at the surface a little so he’d understand; but he didn’t want to waste the time of day.
Harry had tried everything; even converting to way in which he had promised himself he’d never go. That was probably why Niall got so doubtful at times. Before they got together, all Harry wanted was Niall’s attention; and the only way he knew how to get it was to do something bad. He went off the rails slightly; arriving home drunk most nights of the week and stinking of musty smoke. And it worked. Niall noticed him, and helped him through it. He did those little things with Harry to slowly get him back on track; writing songs with him, teaching him how to play the guitar.
Now the only person Harry could serenade was his bedroom wall; especially when Niall was out with Liam and ignoring his protests for late night comfort.
——
I’m finding life a little harder than usual I feel misunderstood
In what I do I’ve got to get your approval and I don’t think I should
Show you that maybe baby I will just go crazy,
Are you feeling misunderstood?
I said I’m going to do this with or without you
I told you I would
——
The curly haired boy could tell that Niall was suspicious, even if he didn’t show it outstandingly. The way Harry let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes deathly tight after Niall kissed him; the way he sometimes slept wound around himself and not around Niall when he was scared to even go close to the older boy. Because really, Harry was just scared. He was scared that he’d vacate too much of Niall’s time and he’d get annoyed at him, and ultimately break it off with him because he was too clingy.
Every single little thing he did was to try and make Niall smile. Even a little tug at the corner of Niall’s lips would do; anything for that grin. It was no doubt Harry’s favourite thing in the world. Nothing could beat it. Seeing his pearly whites on show and all his boyfriend’s features creased with happiness, made all Harry’s troubles float away into a cloud of misery which would no doubt reappear sometime soon and shower down when he was least expecting it.
