Confessions

21. You're such a tease

Tuesday 9th of June 2021

The last 24 hours had been blissful. A whole new dynamic was born after their talk. A dynamic that  brought constant butterflies. One where they couldn't bare to be without the other, always wanting each other in sight. It was like they were two magnets who were constantly pulled together.

Every chance they got, their need for physical touch grew. It was almost like a hunger that needed to be stilled. Some touches were more heated than others, it depended on the time and place.

Whether it was a quick brush over an arm or back, a stolen kiss, a hug, a pinch, playing with each other's hair, a make out session, they made sure to show one another some form of affection.

They couldn't get enough of each other. It was a feeling that neither of them had ever felt so strongly. They joked about it too, how they were like love struck teenagers. Everyone around them would probably find their clinginess annoying if they weren't so 'secret' about it.

It was like they were in their own world, even taking it so far in calling it their 'Stefanielle' world. Before they went to sleep after the talk, they looked at fan edits on Instagram and TikTok. Looking back at all those moments, made them realize that the fans knew about their unconditional love before they did themselves.

It was kind of ironic in a way. They had always loved the edits the fans made but at the same time it felt like a huge pressure. A pressure to actually show chemistry, even though their chemistry had always been natural.

The pressure and comments got so bad and invasive that they had stopped interacting as much on social media. Something they were quite sad about but needed to do in order to protect their own privacy and especially their friendship.

It had actually put a strain on their friendship a while back. Not because they didn't get along or because they had a fight but more so because of the expectations that they felt like they couldn't live up to. It was awkward at times, not knowing how to deal with it.

Not to mention how suffocating it felt sometimes. To have every move and post you make, be overanalyzed. To have every interaction dissected  into tiny puzzle pieces.

Again, they loved it as well. They appreciated all the love and effort and talent that every single fan put into everything. It was however complex and conflicting to deal with emotionally and mentally sometimes.

Added to all of that, the fans had kept prying in their personal lives, especially when it came to a potential love interest. Sometimes it even went as far as the fandom attacking their friends or family to figure out the 'truth'. Even if there wasn't anything to find out.

Both woman truly love their fans and love how passionate they are but it has made things a bit more difficult. However, they also knew that the fans who made it difficult sometimes, were only a small portion compared to the fans who respected their boundaries and personal lives.

The two felt tremendous guilt as well. They both love interacting with fans, going live, filming videos together and basically just give the fans what they wanted and also deserved. It just didn't come across as natural anymore. Plus, it heightened both of their anxiety too and it was not worth it to risk their own mental health.

After they had finished watching the edits the two women talked about all the 'what if's'. What if there hadn't been a strain on their friendship, would they have realized their feelings for each other sooner? What if they had never resolved their friendship? What if Danielle wouldn't have come to Italy? What if people find out now?

It was a serious, yet good conversation to have. Both wanted the conversation to end on a lighter note which meant lots of smooching and playful banter of tickling and wrestling each other before they both drifted off into a deep sleep.