Incomplete love

Shadows

Suga Hyung's couch was comfortable. Taehyung tried and failed to maintain distance from him after the last time. But on days like this, when every cell of his body is screaming for Jin, he struggled to even get out of bed. Bed. It was such an empty space. And the walls of his apartment His entire apartment came to haunt him every single night. Somehow, he braved entering it every day, grateful that he still had it. And not Jin's. Baek-shi had sent back all his belongings, he would dare not enter that place.  It was either anger or sadness engulfing his entirety, if it wasn't for Jimin and PD-nim, he would have gone away on vacation. Because even the corridors of HYBE reminded him of Jin. His phone service was suspended for trying to call Jin. Every time he saw Namjoon's face on any screen or pictures, a wave of rage coursed through him. He sighed at the thought, numbing his pain. Just when he began to relax, something vibrated under his butt. 

On a normal day, he would have ignored someone else's phone,  but his hands trembled to see the name, Kim Seokjin. 

'Yoongi-ah! How are you?' his voice woke up a numb feeling of joy, automatically soothing his agitation. His eyes stung to finally feel the familiar tone, scared to feel the peace again.  

'Voo?' a lump formed in Taehyung's throat, surprised by the sudden reference to him from a mere sigh, the same endearing one that would cause his core to fuzzy and warm with satisfaction. It still does, but why does it feel so unachievable, when did you become a stranger to me, baby? why do you feel so far away?

'Jin...' he wanted to say a lot more, but his voice refused to cooperate. Greed to feel the warmth resonating by just his sigh clawing at his chest.

'Did you eat, Taehyungie?' Jin was making a great effort to sound steady. I don't get a how are you? or do you already know the mess I am without you? did you fall out of love with me?

He hummed in reply, rummaging through his mind for something to ask, to continue hearing his voice, because it was painfully warm 'Is it cold in America?' i know you hate cold Jin-ah, dress warmly, wear gloves and socks, I hope you carry heat packs as well, also drink warm tea every day and don't forget the tonics, did you have lunch as well Jin? can I ask you this?  he wanted to ask so many things and yet he couldn't. Where do I even begin?

'Very cold' he doesn't want to talk to me, maybe because Namjoon is around....the drop in his tone, stiffness in it, made his heartache. 

'How is Namjoon Hyung?' the way he drew a shaky breath, scared Taehyung. 

'He is not here.' he answered. Taehyung was sure it was the same tone when he had locked himself up in the washroom, the news of Jjangu passing came to him in public and he didn't want pity and sadness to resonate in the entire studio 'Namjoon has been in London... since last week' he spoke. Taehyung's heart ached to hear the sniff, he wanted to hold him, comfort him despite the hurt he had inflicted it hurts you too right Jin? do you feel it too? for me? or did I lose you forever? did you ever love me as I did? 

'When will you come back?' he asked, tears brimming in his eyes did not miss a beat waiting for a reply in anticipation.

'Not sure' the steady voice broke without finishing, did you just waver, Jin? do we still have hope, Jin? can we pretend nothing happened? I will forget it all, baby. Be mine again please, come back to me, I will forgive you, please baby, I can't live like this, and I know you can't either, I can hear it in your voice. 

'Can we- can we be us?'  

'No' does he even know what I am talking about? he clearly is hurting too, then why...

'Jin-ah, why not? you are in pain too. When did you even begin to drift away...' his breath hitched when no reply came but a loud gulp echoed in his throat, scared of his answer tainting their precious memories he steered away to the actual thought 'Baby, can we forget this and-'  is this the end? did you just fall out of love with me?  Did you ever love me?