Incomplete love

Harmony

Taehyung

His skin prickled. Those words. In Jin's voice. The image of him crawling on the terrace floor begging him to trust him flashed in front of him. He had said it. He had said it to the one he loved. To his discomfort, Jin repeated   'Do I st-ill disg-ust you Taehyung?' breaking at the word that hurt the most. 'I ... ruined your life, didn't I?' his head dug between his knees. Hollow in his core, he felt pain. Pure, tender pain clenched his heart in a stubborn grip. He bit his lips so as to not scream.'I did l-love you, Tae.' the pause dragged on in the silent room. The machines were silent to mourn for them. 'Our lo-love was real, yo-u were my home.' memories of their perfect life were disturbed by the one where he broke Jin's heart. What had he done? Jin, how do i even begin apologizing? You are still my home, Jin. His fingers dug into his skull. 'But you were right, I bro-ke us, I broke yo-u' he groaned, wincing and sobbing. He should call for help. Jin, please stop.  But he was drowning in this shell, feet refusing to cooperate.'I still don't kno-w when, or how...' his gulp audible. 'I fell for Name-oon', no, you are lying baby. The stiffness in your voice.. stop, please. stop validating my accusations, I should be in your place, suffering, writhing, and thrashing in pain. Instead, I can only feel your heartbreak, baby. The one I inflicted. My fucking brain destroyed you. What do I do now? but he couldn't speak. His breathing was raving up. The fabric on his knees was wet with tears. The back of his neck was throbbing. 'I am to bl-ame-' his breath hitched on a wince again 'No-r could I tell you and neither Namjoon' his voice unsteady yet stiff, sirens were blurring his thoughts 'I c-couldn't put him on tr-ial, not when i don't how long I will live-'

'NO!' Taehyung screamed, a sharp stab in his chest. The sirens got louder in his head. 'DON'T- DON'T say that!' he begged. Jin's back was stiff, head dug into the pillow. Taehyung rushed on his feet to Jin's bedside, hands hesitating over the figure. His fists finally curled into the edge of his bedsheet, ensuring his trembling heart that Jin was not a mirage.

'It-its true, Tae-i won't live-'

'STOP! No! Don't say such things-' he begged, falling down to his knees. All he wanted to do was take away Jin's pain, such thoughts ached every inch of his body. He wanted to apologize, look him in the eye and love him again. You don't deserve him, You did this to him! Seokjoong's words rang in his thoughts. He really did this to Jin. His beloved was suffering because of him. 

'Don't be in den-ial, Taehy-ung.' Jin's voice grew colder, setting off the deafening sirens in his head.  'After I die-' 

'SEOKJIN STOP!' he screamed. Sheer agony coursed through his body. Fists trembling around the bedsheet. His head would have exploded. 'ENOUGH! PLEASE STOP!'  the scream made his chest ache. Jin, dead, this world...  knees turned to jelly and he let them. 'please don't say... HURTS!' He didn't want to let go of the bedsheet. But his chest was wrenching in pain. He hit his head on the metal railing of the bed. To stop the thought. The images of his every day,  without Jin. Hurt. It can't be true. Unacceptable! 'Please... Jin, I broke us, I broke you..' He couldn't look at Jin anymore. ' I destroyed it all, but i...' his insides coiling painfully 'Please Jin-ah, punish me.. Hit me.... but don't ever leave me. Don't say it...'  he was not sure if his heart was racing or slowing down 'I can't live without you, please don't make me...' he would go insane with this much pain  'I am still in love with you baby, I never stopped loving you! PLEASE! Don't leave me again!' he hit his head again, the screams wail strangely numbing his insides ' I'm sorry, I beg of you- please sta-y' 

'No Ta-ehyung' Jin replied after the longest pause. He bit his lip to muffle the sob 'I can't for-give you' That's right, he deserved this. To be forsaken, to be abandoned. ' I was sel-fish, still am' that voice, pained yet cold. That was not his Jin.  ' I wanted to hu-rt yo-u' he looked up, telling himself it was a lie and yet Jin's unsteady breathing and the wires linked to his shrinking body only hurt more. 'Please leave me alone, go before I hurt you ag-ain' His heart ripped 'Go aw-ay. Tae' whimper escaped his lips. Everyone told him, warned him. But Jin validated it. Breaking his resolve. 'You are hurt-ing me more' The railing slipped from his fingers. That is what Jin wanted. With willpower exhausted, wails erupted from his core. He let the dark room swallow him.

Seokjin

The night was endless. A dark hole. They said to avoid triggers. They accelerated the occurrence of such attacks.  Stress was his. Stress about his future, his career, his family, and the worst, Kim Taehyung. He had been worried about that man ever since their breakup. But it only got worse when the unexpected happened. Taehyung reached here. To see Taehyung on the floor, barely breathing. This was so wrong. He felt responsible and yet helpless. This is what started a spiral of regrets and anxious nights. He tried burying the image. It did no good to his recovery. Constantly worrying whether Jungkook or Yoongi will inform if Taehyung had collapsed once again.  When questioned, none of them gave him an update on his Tae. Maybe an angry Tae had scolded them for being my spies. Or so he daydreamed. Because when Eomma brought him in again. He knew it was all a lie. Memories, forcefully buried, resurfaced painfully slowly. The dread in Taehyung's eyes, how long had he been here? Weeks? Where was he staying? Was he not sleeping? Was someone giving him a tough time? Why was he alone? Was he worried about me?  So many questions and worries haunted him for the rest of the day.  He felt the attack coming. Heart racing, stiff chest, and suffocation, it was the holy trinity before his lungs gave out and overrode the painkillers. His mind was so numb this time, that he could not press the alarm. But sirens went off in his struggle when his eyes opened to find a familiar face in the room. Taehyung's beautiful face froze in pure terror. His nightmares were coming true. The ugly parts.  Taehyung witnessed the worst parts of this illness. The parts where nobody knew whether he will ever wake up again. To see Taehyung lose his mind at this sight. He knew the man loved him. He knew how deeply invested Taehyung was in their relationship. Nobody wants to helplessly watch the ones they love thrash and convulse to survive. He knew how it will scar Taehyung. He knew it all and hence, embraced the breakup. One would think he was sorted, with family support, the best doctors, and a rich income source. But who wouldn't crave the support of the one they love? His one true love. The constant pillar of his life. He chose to willingly knock it down.  For him to never see this day.  So when those wails echoed through the room, a fire was set ablaze in his body. A fire of guilt. For putting the boy through so much within hours. Every sob amplified his aching muscles. He bit down on the pillow to choke on his own. Had their eyes met, his resolve would have betrayed him. He kept repeating; for Taehyung, this had to be done, endure it! 

The physical and mental agony was too much to bear. At a point when the wails died down, he felt Taehyung's shuddering presence in the room disappear. Sleep laced his drooping eyes only to wake up in another convulsing anxiety attack. It was confirmed, that Taehyung had left the room. He let the doctors work on him and drug him into a slumber. Lost track of time, he woke up with a fearful dream. But there was no way to confirm. Unlike last time, he wanted to be sure this time. He asked every soul around him to not lie. They had a uniform reply. The lurking Asian man from the corridors was last seen yesterday. Now he needed to know if he made it home. With the things he had seen, Taehyung could be unpredictable in shock. Learning from their past experience, the hospital had banned any visitors to his room. Or any electronic devices. It took three days before his own brother was allowed to visit him. Probably anxious and restless, he came with guns loaded 'YOU WERE STRESSED ABOUT KIM TAEHYUNG! What the fuck are you doing Jin?! Do you know how worried we were?!' He did know. And he felt utterly bitter. But he had a more pressing thought. 'D-id he reach K-orea?' he wheezed, much to the doctor's displeasure who hovered around him. Sheesh! German doctors can be scary. But his brother was scarier. He was visibly fuming at his question 'STILL? you are still worried about HIM?' edged with poison. He would have killed Tae if he was here. But he wanted answers, his heart rate was racing again. The doctor looked at the monitor and then at my brother. Hyung had no option, he sighed heavily and eyebrows knit tightly 'I don't know, the hotel said he check out yesterday' But where did he go? His request for a phone call was downright denied. But the unanswered doubts were not helping lower his heart rate or his breathing. It was late in the night when the doctor on rounds took an executive decision. His brother grumbled vehemently handing over his phone. 'Jin-ah, he landed in Incheon a few hours ago, I will take him home now. Don't worry, I will keep a close watch' Sejin Hyung's words were reassuring. He let sleep heal him. 

A/N: are you guys streaming 'Yours'?